4:13 Podcast: Can I Find Comfort When My Heart Is Breaking? [Episode 301]

K.C. Wright: It's summer, and it's hot, so that means it's time for our hottest episodes on The 4:13. It's time for Summer Sizzle. For the next four weeks, we're featuring your most shared episodes, and they all happen to be great teachings from our girl, Jennifer Rothschild. This will be practical, wise, fun, and inspiring.

On today's episode, Episode 301, Jennifer answers the 4:13 question, Can I find comfort when my heart is breaking? Well, you know the answer. Yes, you can. So settle in for some fun stories, deep teaching straight from God's word. Here we go.

Jennifer Rothschild: On February 18th, 2018, my whole world changed. My Hero Dad closed his eyes to this world and opened them to heaven. Like C.S. Lewis wrote, "I did not know that grief would feel so much like fear, but I also didn't know how comfort would carry me." So today we're going to get really practical about how God comforts you when your heart is breaking. It'll be encouraging, real, and it'll give you some truth to tuck in your heart for when you need it the most. So cue the intro. It's time to get this thing going.

K.C. Wright: Welcome to the 4:13 Podcast, where practical encouragement and biblical wisdom set you up to live the "I Can" life, because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

Now, your host, a woman who gets excited when the forecast calls for rain, because it means she can either wear her strawberry rain boots or stay in with a good book. Make her welcome, Jennifer Rothschild.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah, I got me some cute rain boots, and they are covered in strawberries. In fact, I bet some of our listeners will recognize them because I got them in Plant City, Florida, from some ladies. You know, they have a big strawberry festival there. And we were there for a Fresh Grounded Faith conference. This was last year.

In fact, speaking of Fresh Grounded Faith, we are about to go to Buffalo, New York.

K.C. Wright: Ooh.

Jennifer Rothschild: I know, a little more chilly up there. But I'm excited, because when we're finished with the conference, we're going to go to Niagara Falls.

K.C. Wright: Wow.

Jennifer Rothschild: And I don't know if you've ever been, K.C.?

K.C. Wright: I haven't.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay. Well, I've been once. And what I love about it is the intensity of the sound, of just that water pouring. It's beautiful. And I think that's why I like rainy days, by the way, it's the sound. I do like to wear my rain boots, but I love sitting inside with a good book on a rainy day.

What about you? Are rainy days good for you or not?

K.C. Wright: I do. I like -- (singing) Rainy days and Mondays --

Jennifer and K.C.: -- (singing) always get me down.

K.C. Wright: No, I do like a good rainy day, I really do. And, hey, you know what? Good things happen on rainy days, because just a couple of weeks ago -- check this out -- on 4/13 --

Jennifer Rothschild: On April 13th?

K.C. Wright: On April 13th --

Jennifer Rothschild: Uh-huh? A 4/13 day?

K.C. Wright: -- a 4/13 day, a friend of mine -- her dog had a puppy.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh.

K.C. Wright: But she didn't even know her dog was pregnant.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh.

K.C. Wright: And so out comes this one little puppy, and they have named him Philippians. They're huge 4:13ers, podcast listeners. They love our show. And so since this baby puppy was born on 4/13, they named him Philippians. So see, we've made a difference.

Jennifer Rothschild: I love that. So there's a little dog out there. I hope that Philippians behaves well, because that would really be a bad witness for the neighbors. "Philippians, don't poop in the yard." I love that. A 4:13 puppy, our very first. Hey, if you've got any cool 4:13 stories, we would love to hear them, so leave them in the comments.

And by the way, it is not raining here today, so I am not wearing my strawberry boots. But you know what's interesting about those boots, K.C., with what we're talking about today, is I got those right before my daddy actually passed away. Because I was in Plant City where -- it's very close to where my parents lived, and so -- okay. Anyway, let me get to the point here.

Because we're talking about handling heartbreak and how God comforts us. And so I started with that quote from C.S. Lewis where he said that he didn't know that grief felt so much like fear. I just think that's fascinating. I didn't know that until I experienced grief. But I also didn't realize that grief would feel so much like fatigue too. And I didn't know that it would, like, make me feel hollow, you know? My brain knew what death was, but my heart didn't really understand how it would feel like such a tearing and such an emptying.

C.S. Lewis, he also wrote that when you lose a beloved, someone who's beloved to you, it feels like an amputation. So I remember, even after a few months when I lost my daddy, I was just stupefied by this fog that I was walking through. It just felt like life was in slow motion. And you may know exactly what I'm talking about, what I'm describing, because you've felt it. You may have lost somebody that you deeply love. And notice I did not say loved, with a D. I say love. Because that emotion doesn't change just because they're not here anymore. You may have lost somebody dear to you, it could be a parent, it could be a spouse, it could be a child, and that's a heartbreak that's almost unbearable and unimaginable.

K.C. Wright: I love what Bob Goff says. He said that grief is love with no place to go. And I've experienced the loss of my father, the loss of my stepfather. Actually, last year -- oh my goodness, if I had to put on my funeral suit one more time. But we know this truth, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.

Jennifer Rothschild: Right. Right.

K.C. Wright: And I have this dread of losing those that I'm closest to. Like, I've got one grandma left, and I am connected to this woman's soul.

Jennifer Rothschild: I know you are.

K.C. Wright: And I'm here to tell you, when it's her time to move to heaven, y'all are going to be mopping me off the floor, even though I know the reality of heaven.

Jennifer Rothschild: Right. It doesn't make it hurt less.

K.C. Wright: Exactly.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, and no matter what your loss or heartbreak is, it matters because you matter, and God's comfort is for you. For a long time, K.C., I knew this truth -- right? -- about God's comfort in grief, but I really understand it differently now. Because just like you said, if there was anything I feared or dreaded, it was losing my dad, because he was my hero. He grounded me and protected me. He made my world make sense. And so the thought of losing him just made me feel like Planet Earth would never ever be safe or okay again.

Now, let me just pause, though, and say, I was married 30 years when my daddy died, and we didn't even live in the same town as my daddy. So even though my husband really is a stud, you know, and he's protective and loving and all that good stuff, there's just something about a girl and her dad, you know, when she's got a good relationship with her dad. There's just something very foundational on the cellular level about that.

So I just thought that I would not be able to get up under the weight of the grief of losing him. I was afraid that I'd never feel comfort that was greater than my sorrow. I thought that his absence in my life would be a hole that I would fall into and never find a way out of. Yet, I realize now that if I had even had a glimpse of the kind of comfort that God would give me, I would have had no fear.

And so here's what I want you to know today. God's comfort does not erase my grief. It does not. God's comfort does not erase my grief. But it absorbs it. His comfort doesn't make my sorrow less, but it makes my capacity to face it greater. And the same is true for you. God's comfort helps us walk through grief and sorrow.

K.C. Wright: We all experience loss in this life. In fact, what we're talking about may be old news to you because you've been through some of this deep sorrow and grief yourself. Here's what the Bible says to us. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." That's in Matthew 5:4. Now, the blessing isn't in the grief of mourning, it's in the comfort you feel from God, even when the grief is so intense. Grief can be consuming.

But here's another Scripture from Jeremiah I want you to listen to. "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21 and 23. They're new every morning because we used up all of yesterday's.

Jennifer Rothschild: Isn't that the truth? God is the one who really does comfort us. Absolutely all comfort we experience ultimately originates from him. I mean, that's what 2 Corinthians 1 tells us. It calls God the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. It says that he's the one who comforts us in all of our troubles. And there's a reason he does that, so that we can comfort those who are in any trouble through the comfort that we ourselves have received from God.

And so in the Book of Isaiah, too, God says the same thing. He says, "I, even I, am he who comforts you." That's Isaiah 51:12.

K.C. Wright: There is no greater comfort than to know that God himself is with you right now. And notice that verse Jenn just quoted in 2 Corinthians. Paul says God comforts us in all our troubles. I always love the word "all."

Jennifer Rothschild: All.

K.C. Wright: All means all. It doesn't matter what you're going through, God is with you to comfort you.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. So the question is then, how? Right? How in a very practical sense? Because we know this is true. So just in case you need a reminder of how he comforts us when our hearts are breaking, or maybe you're in a place where your heart is breaking and you know God is the God of all comfort but you're having trouble grasping it, let me show you two very practical ways that God comforts us that you can or maybe even are experiencing and just haven't really connected the dots yet.

So the first way that God comforts us is through his Word. His Word literally comforts us. The promises in Scripture, the counsel of Scripture, and the unchanging truth of Scripture is what God uses to continue to bring me comfort, not just over the loss of my dad, but in every area of life. So, K.C., I want you to read us some of these verses from Psalm 119, because these are just some of the truths that I hold closely.

K.C. Wright: "This is my comfort in my affliction: that your promise gives me life." Psalms 119:50. "Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant." Psalms 119:76. "My soul melts away for sorrow. Strengthen me according to Your Word." Psalms 119:28.

Jennifer Rothschild: Those are so vivid, aren't they? Because that is how we feel, melts away. But did you hear how it's God's Word that brings life and comfort and strength?

You know, it reminds me of another verse I want you to hear in Psalm 119. It says, "If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction." That's Psalm 119:92. And we'll have all these on the Show Notes, by the way.

But the point is, you're just not going to make it without His Word. You just won't. I can't. None of us can. The promise that comes from God's Living Word will bring you life because it's alive. And so it'll provide you with the hope that life really is good and it will be good again. His Word echoes his love to you, even in your lowest and darkest season. And this love, it will lift you and it will assure you and remind you that God is with you. So if you're grieving, if you're experiencing some loss or your heart is breaking, then open His Word and open your heart, and his love and his strength will rush in and they will be the comfort that you need.

K.C. Wright: And we've got some comforting "With You" Scriptures you can download for free at 413podcast.com/35. So when we're done, go get it so you will have it for you or a friend.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. It's a good thing to just tuck in your purse or in your Bible or in your heart to be able to share with somebody when they're needing some comfort.

And, in fact, that brings me to the second way that God comforts us, is through each other, his people. God's people comfort us. You've heard that old phrase "there's strength in numbers"? I used to think that that meant where there's lots of people with you -- right? -- you become this mighty force -- right? -- all of you together. You don't personally get stronger yourself, but the two of you together or the three of you together become this strong presence together. But I think of that phrase totally differently now, and here's why.

So it was one morning between the time that my Daddy passed away and the memorial service. I remember I was sitting in his recliner, and I was just empty. I was spent, I was sad, I was fatigued, and I had nothing left. I was just hollow and worn out with grief. And it was then that I hear the front door open, and it's my brother with his family. And they walk through the front door, and something inside me kind of stirred a little bit. And then a few minutes later, my other brother and his wife show up, and again something rose up inside me. And I just felt stronger because they were there. Something inside me that had been weak began to feel a little stronger and a little more fortified.

And here's the thing. They didn't bring pompoms or pep talks. I mean, they were as broken and as sad as I was, but they were just present. And when they showed up, so did some strength and some comfort. And that can be true for you too, because there is strength in numbers. Because when others join you in your grief, you literally become stronger. You have a strength to face your sorrow because you're not facing it alone. You have strength to carry your burden because you're not carrying it all by yourself.

Here's what we need to remember, though. God's people, they don't bring comfort with the words they say about grief. You don't have to give fancy words about grief. That's not how we comfort each other. Our comfort toward each other comes from the very presence that we bring in each other's grief. So you don't need to feel like -- sometimes we're shy about entering into other people's grief because we say, "I don't know what to say." And, y'all, I don't know what to say. But the point is, you don't have to say anything. Just being present in someone's grief, just being with them in silence, just washing their dishes while they sit on the couch. Anything that you do being present will give them strength and comfort.

And it's really interesting, the word "comfort" comes from two Latin words that mean "with" and "strong." In other words, you and I are made strong by being with each other. That's what true comfort is. God uses his people to take all those weak and broken pieces of our sorrow and help make them come back together and build us into this fortress of strength.

K.C. Wright: Yeah. And listen to this that Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 7:5-6. "For when we came into Macedonia, we had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn -- conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus." God was the one who comforted, and he did it through his man Titus. Okay? He uses people as his comforting presence. He is the head; we are his body. We are his arms, we are his feet. We weren't designed to do this life alone. We truly need each other. So that means when you receive the comfort from God, you have something to give to others. And remember the verse in 2 Corinthians 1? We can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. So if you've received it, give it. If you need it, receive it from God himself, His Word and his people.

So go to the Show Notes at 413podcast.com/35 to get a summary of what you've heard today. Plus download for free the "With You" Scriptures to bring you comfort. You may need them or you may need to print them so you can share them with someone whose heart is breaking right now.

Jennifer Rothschild: Remember, we're here for you. We are here for you, no matter what you're facing, no matter what you're feeling, no matter what your loss. And you've got people in your life who can be comfort to you also, but the most important thing you have is God's Word. He is with you, my friend. So remember, you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. I can.

K.C. Wright: I can.

Jennifer and K.C.: And you can.