4:13 Podcast: Can I Gain Confidence in My Calling? With Kim Gravel [Episode 282]

Kim Gravel: I think we have a crisis of confidence right now. One, we truly get our confidence from our relationship with the Lord. That's my personal experience. But, two, we don't even know how to value what he's created in us. And if we catch a glimpse of that -- when I caught a glimpse of that calling on my life and how special and unique that was to just me, that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, girl, and that I was knitted together in my mother's womb, when I started really not just reading those Scriptures or saying them, but started really believing them and understanding what that meant, that is what truly lit my fire.

Jennifer Rothschild: You are not your current circumstance. You are not your current habits. In fact, where you are right now is simply a launching pad to get you back to where you are meant to be and to be who you were created and called to be. So if you've lost your way, or maybe just forgotten who you are, it is time to get clear and confident once again in your calling. So on The 4:13 today, Kim Gravel, who is a QVC star and the star of Kim of Queens, is going to invite you to look at yourself with a fresh new lens, encouraging you to start where you are and become the person you were meant to be. Confidence is on the rise on The 4:13 today. So, K.C., get ready, here we come.

K.C. Wright: Here we go. Welcome to the 4:13 Podcast, where practical encouragement and Biblical wisdom set you up to live the "I Can" life, because you can truly do all things -- all means all -- through Christ who supernaturally strengthens you.

Now, welcome your host, my soul sister --

Jennifer Rothschild: Soul sister.

K.C. Wright: -- Jennifer Rothschild.

Jennifer Rothschild: Hey, everybody, we're glad you're here today. K.C. and I are in the closet where it's nice and warm --

K.C. Wright: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: -- because it is getting cold out there. But we're happy we're together today. I'm Jennifer, just here to help you be and do more than you feel capable of as you're living this "I Can" life of Philippians 4:13. We say it often, it is two friends, it is one topic, and zero stress.

So I have to ask, K.C., though, a stress question. Do you still have up your Christmas tree, K.C.?

K.C. Wright: Well, let me correct you, my sister. First of all, it's not Christmas tree.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, that's true.

K.C. Wright: Remember, my Spirit man --

Jennifer Rothschild: I forgot.

K.C. Wright: -- my Spirit man is Buddy the Elf. We still have up the Christmas trees --

Jennifer Rothschild: That's true.

K.C. Wright: -- at the Wright Homestead.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay. Well --

K.C. Wright: Where every tree has a theme.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes. Do you want to share with us those themes?

K.C. Wright: Well, again, listen, I am not a hoarder.

Jennifer Rothschild: I know.

K.C. Wright: I get rid of everything. I can't stand clutter except when it comes to Christmas.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

K.C. Wright: I have issues.

Jennifer Rothschild: And that's why it's three weeks ago and you still don't have it taken down.

K.C. Wright: I remember last summer I hit up a man's yard sale, and half of his garage sale was all Christmas. And he said, "I'll give you everything for 25 bucks" --

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, my gosh.

K.C. Wright: -- and so my Christmas stuff just doubled. And that's where I get a lot of my stuff.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

K.C. Wright: And people know I love Christmas, so I get things given to me, I hit up garage sales. But my house isn't Christmas until it looks like Santa walked in and just threw up.

Jennifer Rothschild: I know. Well, sometime you got to clean up the vomit. That's all I'm saying. It's the end of January and Santa needs to go back to the North Pole, K.C.

K.C. Wright: And guess what? I normally used to keep my tree up until even April.

Jennifer Rothschild: I know.

K.C. Wright: And now I'm really -- in February I'm taking it down.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, so we have a couple of weeks.

K.C. Wright: I have grown and matured into that, because you can only go so far until it's gotta -- you got to get your home back.

Jennifer Rothschild: I'm glad to hear that.

Okay. Now, we need to tell our friends, though -- because you were telling me this the other day and I thought it was so funny. We were talking about getting older. And you told me a couple stories about your grandparents that crack me up. Okay. So I want you to tell us the story about how you got paid for little tasks when you were a little kid, and two of the tasks included changing the linens and cutting down a Christmas tree.

K.C. Wright: My Grandma and Grandpa Wright, they had -- brace yourself -- long before the Duggars, 18 children.

Jennifer Rothschild: Holy cow.

K.C. Wright: Okay, two sets of twins. Anyway, when I was a little boy, they were up there in age. Okay? I'd be in the living room with my granny, and I would hear p-i-g -- that spells little pig -- h-o-g -- that spells big pig.

Jennifer Rothschild: He's just educating you with his little jingle.

K.C. Wright: Right. We lived in the Ozarks.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes, right. Okay, no more need for explanation.

K.C. Wright: That was code word to run back there. And he would say to me upon my arrival, "You want to make a buck?" And the answer was, "Heck, yeah." And so he'd have me fill up the wood box for a buck, right? In the summertime he'd help me -- I'd help him make homemade lemonade. Which was just dumping bags and bags of sugar in buckets, and the whole family got diabetes. Anyway, so I would help Grandpa do things like that.

But then I would also help my grandma with chores around the house. And I would help her do the laundry. And it was one of those old-fashioned washing machines where you fed the clothes through the spinning thing, the wringer thing, whatever it's called.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. That is so old fashioned.

K.C. Wright: Oh, it's so old school. And the old washing machines ended up in her front yard where she would plant flowers and grow Morning Glories out of them.

Okay, true story. I hope I'm painting the picture well.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, yeah, we got the picture.

K.C. Wright: Well, anyway, one Saturday she said, "Take the sheets off of Grandpa's bed for a buck," a dollar. Again, I'd do anything for a dollar. I couldn't because Grandpa got tired of making his bed, so he got a staple gun and he stapled the sheets and the blankets to the mattress, leaving only the corner open so he could wiggle his little body in and then unfold the corner and fold back the corner, and thus solving the problem of making your bed every day. Hello?

Jennifer Rothschild: It's brilliant if you don't have to do laundry.

Okay, but my favorite then also -- because I love that so much. But then your grandmother has gotten older and she's not thinking as clearly, but she still wants to pay you.

K.C. Wright: No. She was so sweet.

Jennifer Rothschild: So she asked you to cut down a Christmas tree.

K.C. Wright: "Go out into the woods," she said, "and cut down a little pine tree, and let's put it up in the living room and decorate it. I'll give you some Christmas money." So I did that. I got the tree, I decorated it, and Grandma gave me a check for $10,000. So when she got older, the smaller the task, the larger the loot. And so I would come home with these checks. "Dad, Dad, I did the dishes. Grandma gave me five grand." I miss her so much.

Jennifer Rothschild: I know. It's the sweetest story. I love that, though. I love it so much. And you know what I love? We're all so different. We've all got unique callings, unique wiring. I mean, it's just delightful. But sometimes I do think -- you know, like, I hear stories like that about your grandparents. They're very unique, right?

K.C. Wright: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: And sometimes we get so self-conscious that we forget who we are and we try to be someone else, or we lose confidence in who God created us to be or what our calling is. And that's why I love that picture of your grandparents, because they were so comfortable with who God created them to be.

K.C. Wright: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: So as you're listening to this conversation today, you're going to hear Kim talk about getting your confidence back just to be who God created you to be. And I think you're really -- you're really going to enjoy this conversation. And when we're done, K.C. will write you a check for $10,000.

Okay, go ahead, K.C., introduce Kim.

K.C. Wright: I love it. Kim Gravel is an entrepreneur, TV personality, author and speaker. But most of all, she has a passion for people and seeing them rise. Her authentic commonsense style has resulted in Kim being one of the most booked guests ever on The Steve Harvey Show and starring in the hit weekly series Kim of Queens on The Lifetime Network. She lives in Atlanta with her husband, Travis, and her two young boys, Beau and Blanton.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right, Kim, you have, like, over 20 years in the entertainment and fashion and beauty industries, including starring in the reality show Kim of Queens. So you hear all that and all of us would assume that you were born with confidence. You write this book called "Collecting Confidence." So I want to know what the inspiration was for writing this book.

Kim Gravel: Oh, a lifetime of not having any.

Jennifer Rothschild: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Kim Gravel: Listen, it's been a journey. I tell everybody that I'm like an old cat, I've lived -- like, nine lives, I'm on my number seven. But it's true, it's -- I woke up -- you know, and I've been walking with the Lord for a really, really long time, since I was seven years old, and I've had more valleys than I've had mountaintops. And it's through those failures, those mistakes, the messes that I made of my life that I really gained the most confidence.

And when I started looking back and started traveling around and we -- I say "we," because I've got a team of women that we've developed these brands, and was on QVC, and we had the reality TV show. And all that was great, but what I was really experiencing was a lot of women felt the same way. And I thought, wow, we're all in this together. And it's the messes of life that make you up. They don't mess you up. And I thought now's the time. And honestly, to be honest with you, Jennifer, I was looking around and I was seeing a crisis of confidence. I think we have a crisis of confidence right now. One, we truly get our confidence from our relationship with the Lord. That's my personal experience.

But two, we don't even know how to value what he's created in us. And if we catch a glimpse of that -- when I caught a glimpse of that calling on my life and how special and unique that was to just me, that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, girl, and that I was knitted together in my mother's womb. When I started really not just reading those Scriptures or saying them, but started really believing them and understanding what that meant, that is what truly lit my fire, because I want everybody else to experience that too and know that too.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, and it is accessible to everyone in Christ.

Kim Gravel: Yes. Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: And so I love that you have differentiated that right up top here. Because you're not saying, well, my confidences come from all my success.

Kim Gravel: No, no.

Jennifer Rothschild: You're saying, I've gained a lot from the failures, but most ultimately the foundation is this calling and who I am created in Christ. So that's where I want to go real quick here. Okay? So to calling. Because you write that you believe that your calling never expires. So explain that and then tell us how can we know what our calling is.

Kim Gravel: Well, I travel around, and when I speak to women's groups or speak to any groups, and I would always say, "Hey, how many of you think everyone has a purpose or a calling?" Every hand would go up. And then I would say, "Okay, put them down. How many of you -- raise your hand if you know what yours is." And I'm telling you, not one hand went up. Not a pinkie. Nothing went up saying, okay, I know what mine is. And I thought, that's the big question. Even for believers, even for Christians, even for people I would speak -- and everyone would be like, I don't know what my calling is.

And when I say it never expires, I mean it's always calling us. I say calling -- it's like one of those horror movies where they say the call is coming from inside the house.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Kim Gravel: Our calling almost haunts us. Because if we don't really know what that is, it's one of those things where it never leaves us. It's always one of those little things that's in the back of our minds going, What if? What is this? What am I here for? So when I say it never expires, it's never too late. There is no Plan B. There's always Plan A, it's just when we want to start accepting it and walking in it.

And I think calling encompasses a lot of things, because I think we're called to praise, we're called to worship, we're called to lead a life that follows Christ. But there's a little bit more to it in my personal experience. There's something for us to do individually, uniquely on this planet.

Jennifer Rothschild: And so how do you discover that?

Kim Gravel: Well, that's the big question. And that's one of the reasons I wrote the book too, because I believe we're born with confidence and we're born with a calling. And I think we know that when we're really young. And that as we live life, a little bit of that confidence and that knowing of why we're here is chipped away.

So I say in the book you have to trace it almost back to your earliest memories. And I do that in the book. And when I was doing this work in devotionals and journaling and praying and seeking the Lord on this, he took me back to a time when I was in the fifth grade and I was in my fifth grade talent show. And I traced it -- because my calling is to build up, is to edify. That's what I'm called to do. And I can do that selling clothes, I can do that writing a book, I can do that having coffee with a friend, I can do that through my church work at church. Everything goes back to does it edify? Does it build up people? Does it build up companies? And I learned that from the fifth grade talent show, Jennifer, that I was in. I thought I was going to be a singer. I thought -- because I won the talent show singing. But the story is I won the talent show because I built. I built a band, I built a group of girlfriends that did it with me. I was a builder. I was an edifier.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Kim Gravel: And so we can trace that calling back to some of our youngest memories. And I challenge everyone in the book to do that. But be careful because that is a rocky journey.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, yeah.

Kim Gravel: And it really uncovers -- it's fun, but it's -- hang on. When you start doing that with your life, hang on.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, I think that's so brilliant, Kim. I love how practical that is too. Because when we're young -- like you said, we're born with this confidence and calling, and we're --

Kim Gravel: We really are.

Jennifer Rothschild: -- so naive that we don't think to explain it away, we just live it. But then, dude, we collect insecurities, don't we?

Kim Gravel: Girl, come on with it.

Jennifer Rothschild: I'm telling you. So that's why I really appreciate you differentiating that for us.

Okay. So another thing you write -- and you've already alluded to it, so I want you to unpack it more. You write that your biggest fears and insecurities will point you towards your calling. So what do you mean by that?

Kim Gravel: Well, this is the thing. When I say I've learned more from the losses than I ever have from the wins, it's in those moments of the mess of our life that we have to really lean on the Lord. I can just say for me -- now, I have trained my brain and trained my spiritual muscle and built that faith muscle that when I'm on the valley -- I mean, when I'm on the mountaintop, I'm praising him now. The gratitude is there. I understand the mercy and grace of it. But for the most part of my life, I didn't understand mercy and grace unless I was in that valley. And y'all, embrace those. Lean into them because they're talking to you. The Holy Spirit is speaking in those moments in huge ways. And I say they don't mess you up, they make you up.

But also -- I'm going to tell you another thing that is really killing our confidence is comparison.

Jennifer Rothschild: Ooh.

Kim Gravel: I see it with my children, girl. And watching them compare, I say, oh, gosh, I do the same thing. And it's -- that's also a confidence sucker. It will just take every bit of the life out of that unique originality, that beautiful life that God's given us when we start comparing.

But there's another thing about the resistance and the insecurities that come with life that is a -- I say a compass that will point you to your calling. Because a lot of times our insecurities are a fear of, oh, I can't do that, or I've never been able to do that, or -- it's not the lack of the dream, it's not the lack of the knowing that we have something special for us, it's the fear of believing it won't happen. And so I tell my children, I say, Look, I'm no counselor, I'm no psychiatrist, I'm just a person who's lived a lot of life. And the little bit I've learned is when I'm insecure about something, I know -- or I'm resistant, or even I get angry about something, that's probably something I might need to lean into and look at, and a lot of times it's something I need to do. For an example, like -- I'm just giving you exercise, for example, because I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Jennifer Rothschild: Me too.

Kim Gravel: This is just a small little example. But when I resist, I know, okay, I need to do that. When I'm resisting that or insecure about doing something, I need to do that. And nine times out of ten, it will lead you to the next level, the next step, the lamp unto -- that's that lamp unto your feet. He doesn't always light the path, but those little triggers are really a good thing to tell you, hey, there's something to this. There's something going on here. It's intuitive.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. Well, it's intuitive, but in the same way it's kind of counterintuitive, you know?

Kim Gravel: Yeah, for sure. True. True.

Jennifer Rothschild: When the insecurity pops up, you don't just ignore it and say, well, it must not be for me because I'm insecure. No, that's when you press in and say, all right, what is this trying --

Kim Gravel: Press in.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah, what's the Lord showing me through this?

And I think sometimes our insecurity, Kim, is not even the fear of will this not happen, but almost if I try it, will I fail?

Kim Gravel: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: And sometimes I think we are not willing to risk the effort because we're so -- I'm speaking from personal experience.

Kim Gravel: I hear ya.

Jennifer Rothschild: I'm afraid I'm not going to do it well, so I don't do it. So that would be my question then. So let's say you really grasp this sense of confidence that comes from who you are in Christ and your calling. Then how do you maintain that? Like, how does Kim personally maintain her confidence?

Kim Gravel: Well, I mean, it ebbs and flows. You know, it waxes and wanes, so it's up and down. But I always go back to the knowing that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. And there's a reason for that, because that I can put full confidence in. Who he's created me to be, I can be confident in that because he don't make no junk. And he doesn't make mistakes. And he's always right. I know that because at 51 years, I've done it wrong so many times.

But I want to say this too. You have to have courage to live a life of confidence in Christ, and you have to sometimes be willing to lose something to gain something even greater. And I think a lot of times for me, I hang on to the small little things I can control or I can see or I can manage myself, because like you said, because of the fear of failure. But we have to be able -- walking fully in confidence with Christ, you have to be -- I mean, it's Biblical. You have to be willing to lose who we think we are to gain everything he's created us to be.

Jennifer Rothschild: That we really long to be. Yeah. That's a good word.

Kim Gravel: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's a good word. And in Christ, we have nothing to lose, so why not risk --

Kim Gravel: Absolutely.

Jennifer Rothschild: -- right? Why not have the courage? That's a good word, Sister.

All right, so then here's another question for you. I think sometimes we try to fake confidence. Okay? Because, like, we think we're supposed to be this, so I'm going to fake it. Right? And it's obvious when we do. To most people, but maybe not. But even so, we know when we're doing it. Okay. So the question is, when we're not feeling confident, we'll try to fake confidence. So what advice could you give to the person who is tempted to just fake it till she makes it, not live authentically?

Kim Gravel: Well, it's so funny, Jennifer, because I talk about that in the book. I said I don't fake it till you make it, I faith it till I make it. So again, having that faith. And by faith, I don't mean just this belief and you're just, "oh" and "yes." I'm talking about a really action in-your-face strong faith muscle that you build up. You know what I'm saying?

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Kim Gravel: And faith is not just faith in Christ. It's faith in knowing that he's created you for something. It's faith in knowing that he's going to work all things together for the good. It's faith and knowing you're going to have it pressed down, shaking together, running over. And I'm not talking prosperity here. I'm talking true absolute fit, in-shape muscle faith. I think a lot of times -- you know, we're always worried about what our bodies look like and what we weigh. And I do too, girl. I need to lose 20 pounds sitting here talking to you. But sometimes I think if I would work more on my faith muscles and that spiritual muscle, everything else would fall in line.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. Well, just let me say this real quick, because I heard you say this.

Kim Gravel: Sure, say it.

Jennifer Rothschild: Everything you've said -- and I hope the listeners already picked up on this -- you're talking about confidence in God, not confidence in Kim.

Kim Gravel: Absolutely.

Jennifer Rothschild: And when you have confidence in God and his Word, then it translates into confidence in Kim, because technically --

Kim Gravel: Absolutely.

Jennifer Rothschild: -- you're decreasing and so he's increasing.

Kim Gravel: That's it. Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: And so -- I mean, I just think that's such a good way to -- a good reminder. Seems so easy, Kim, but it's not easy.

Kim Gravel: It's not.

Jennifer Rothschild: It's just like you declared, you know, that your faith is like a muscle. I mean, you got to work on the muscles or they atrophy.

Kim Gravel: Right. Right. And we're so concerned about everybody else and what everybody else is doing, especially with social media and everything. I mean, the comparison is just out of control. For me personally, I look at somebody and I go, oh, my gosh, I'm not doing near as what I can do. Or you look at what someone else is doing and -- and I love social media, and it's such a beautiful business platform for me. But I have had to really exercise that muscle of reminding myself and always pointing myself back to him. And we're never going to arrive. I've never -- it's every single day I'm trying to die to myself so that I can live in him and really be alive.

And every time I try to take control -- because I'm a Type A control freak. I'm a person who likes to get it done. I'm a Type A person. But every time I find myself -- and I can always tell when I'm doing it, girl, because I have no energy, I am weighted down with stress, worry, anxiety. When we take our eyes off of him and put them on anything else, whether it be our children, whether it be our social media, whether it be how we look or how we're appearing to look or trying to convince somebody of something or -- every time I take my eyes off of him, I feel it in my spiritual body and in my physical body. I know, okay, Kim, put your eyes back on him and you'll see your confidence rise. You'll be able to do the things you think you cannot do.

Jennifer Rothschild: I love it. It's so counterintuitive. Because I think we get a message that said you want to build confidence, then it needs to be about you and your power and your truth and your --

Kim Gravel: We don't have any power, girl.

Jennifer Rothschild: No.

Kim Gravel: We don't have any power.

Jennifer Rothschild: We don't.

Kim Gravel: When I learned I have absolutely no control or no power, my life was set free.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's such a good word. I mean, if our listeners only hear that, that right there is enough, right? That's where our confidence is.

Okay, Kim, I'm so grateful for your book, because I can tell there is a lot in there that is very practical. But we're going to get to our last question. Okay. So one of the concepts in it that I want you to just end with is this idea of waiting. Okay? Because as someone is listening right now, they're like, okay, yeah, I hear what she's saying, I hear what's she saying, but I am stuck in this season or I am stuck in this situation or whatever. So you have a concept in your book called power waiting. So let's finish up with that. What is power waiting and how does it work?

Kim Gravel: Well, power waiting for me -- I just want to say to everybody right now, please do not pray for patience. I did that when I was younger, and I just -- I regret it. I just regret ever praying for it, because he's really shown himself to be true and answer that prayer.

I have probably been the worst waiter of my entire life. I would be at a point, Jennifer, when I would wait and complain and murmur and compare and not believe, deny, then believe the next day. I mean, I was sitting on the fence -- I mean, I can't even tell you all the things that I was doing wrong. And then he spoke to me really clearly one day through a show when I was -- had my children. It was called -- on the Style Network called Clean House. And it was just this -- he just spoke to me so clearly through one of the people that were on the show. Who now I'm friends with. It's come so full circle.

And she had asked a person on the show, "What are you going to do with all this mess?" And she says, "Well, I'm waiting to see if I'm ever going to need this again." She was a kind of a mini hoarder. And I thought, oh, my gosh, that's what I'm doing with my life. I'm sitting here waiting and hoarding all this negativity, all this negative self-talk, all this murmuring and --that's what I'm hoarding. And God said to me, "Kim, I need you to let that go and I need you to start preparing for what I have for you." You're not waiting, you're preparing. And that's the power wait. For those of you who are waiting on your husband or waiting for that career to pop up or waiting for that child to come back and be that prodigal son, whatever you're waiting for in your life, prepare yourself for it to receive it when it comes. That's the biggest thing. How many times have I sat there and murmured and complained, and when an opportunity came to me, Jennifer, I was not ready? That is what -- everyone has such a massive call on their life. And if it's not here at this time, you haven't missed it, it hasn't expired, you're not on Plan B; it's just not the right time. But what a shame when the time comes, whatever you're waiting for, and you're not ready for it.

K.C. Wright: Think of what she said. You are not waiting; you are preparing. That's a paradigm mind shift I need. You have a call on your life. God formed you in your mother's womb for such a time as this. You didn't miss it, it hasn't expired, so prepare while you wait.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's such a good word. It really was a very good conversation. And I love that Kim -- she really challenged all of us to just live with confidence. Because your confidence is not in you or your gifting or your experiences. Your confidence ultimately is in Christ and in his Word.

So, now, you need to get her book and you need to get on with it. Right? Get on this journey of collecting confidence. So go to the Show Notes at 413podcast.com/282 to see all things Kim, including her book, plus a transcript of this whole conversation.

So until next week, our friends, we love you and we're so grateful you've hung out with us this time once again. So remember, no matter what this week holds, no matter what you face, no matter how you feel, you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. I can.

K.C. Wright: I can.

Jennifer and K.C.: And you can.

Jennifer Rothschild: I'm curious, K.C., did you ever save any of those checks from your granny?

K.C. Wright: I did not.

Jennifer Rothschild: No?

K.C. Wright: I have a ball cap that my Grandpa Wright painted a opossum on, that I wouldn't trade for the world. He gave me his pocket watch. And he loved Abe Lincoln.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh.

K.C. Wright: And I have a little -- what is it? A bust of Abe Lincoln that he gave me. And he loved America. Loved America.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's where you got your patriotism.

K.C. Wright: And he carved me an American flag, and I have that.