She and our son met at Baylor University, where she graduated with a Professional Writing degree. She went on to receive a masters degree in Theology from Truett Seminary. She has a great blog with a growing following and I am just so happy you will get to know her. I know you will love her as much as I do!
Today she’s talking about marriage – a truth that rings true whether you’re single, a newly wed, or married for 27 years like my Dr. Phil and me!
“My Husband Doesn’t Fulfill Me”
Now don’t get me wrong, my husband is my favorite person in the world. He’s my best friend, and I love him with all of myself. He makes me laugh harder than anyone else, and we can go on adventures or sit at home and have a blast. He reminds me to dream and reminds me that I am capable, intelligent, and can really make a difference in this world.
Yet, if I’m really honest, I still get lonely. I get insecure, weary, and I doubt myself. It would be so simple if I could just sit next to him on the couch and have the painful empty places that loneliness and security create filled up by him. I know I’d be the happiest wife if he could do that for me. But, even though I wish he did, he doesn’t fulfill me.
He doesn’t give me value.
He doesn’t make me important.
He doesn’t make me smart.
He doesn’t give me confidence.
He doesn’t make me pretty.
My husband doesn’t fulfill me because he can’t fulfill me. He’s not able. He’s not supposed to. The pure love of my husband was never intended to fulfill me.
I’ve tried to be filled by him, but it always ends in disaster. Maybe you’ve been there too. I start to ask far too much of him; I become overly dependent. It actually works for a while, but then it stops.
We can get many of our needs met by the love of a man, and at first, it seems sufficient. However, the love of a man doesn’t fulfill the deepest empty place in my heart that wonders if I’m good enough, smart enough and millions of other insecurities.
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When I try to be fulfilled by him, my identity and emotions rely completely on his actions and words after awhile. When I try to be fulfilled by him, I read into everything. Even the most godly, kind, and encouraging husband who is completely enamored by his wife cannot fulfill his wife.
My husband can love and serve me, but he cannot fulfill me.
He can treat me with value.
He can remind me I’m important.
He can encourage me.
He can affirm why I can claim confidence.
He can remind me I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
But he cannot fulfill me. The Lord reserves that role for Himself.
And ya know what? The Lord is so much more equipped to fulfill me than my 24-year-old husband, who happens to be walking this same journey through life with me.
For those of us who are married, we must continually remind ourselves to find our identity in Christ alone and not in our husbands. And for those who are not married, you don’t have to wait for a man to be fulfilled. True identity and fulfillment is found only in Christ. When we look to our men to be husbands rather than “God”, we’ll find true joy, confidence, and fulfillment – and I bet we’ll be freed up to love our husbands a lot better too.
My husband doesn’t fulfill me,
but the Lord longs to fulfill me.
Let’s long to be fulfilled by the Lord.
“…you fill my cup until it overflows. Your kindness and love will always be with me each day of my life, and I will live forever in your house, Lord.”