What to Bring to Your Mammogram

My local nail salon is the perfect place to learn the neighborhood news. Women stream in and out of the shop 5 days a week, each with their latest reports and opinions! Since getting my nails done, I’ve learned the best way to baste a turkey, how to make homemade cleaning supplies, and what to see at our local discount theatre! But, nothing compares to what I learned from Shelly.next-mammogram

Shelly shared how she’d been to her annual mammogram just days before her nail appointment.  When she sat down to be filed, buffed and polished, she wove quite a tale.

Shelly was a large woman, endowed by God with big blessings. She described how she presented her offerings upon the altar to be sacrificed for the good of her health. As she stood sandwiched between cold metal plates, the technician said, “Now, take a deep breath and hold it.”  Shelly did so as the trays pressed her until she felt like a Panini.

Just then, the lights in the room blinked. A buzzer in the hall began to sound. Then…silence. Darkness. She exhaled and asked, “what’s going on?!” With reserved panic, the technician said, “Wait here, I’ll go check.”  Shelly had no choice but to “wait there” as she was now part of the Iron Maiden which imprisoned her.

The technician scurried back into the room and breathlessly exclaimed, “It’s a power outage!”  The two women looked at each other as disbelief passed between them.

“There’s an emergency generator,” the technician assured Shelly. “It takes a few minutes to come on.” She smiled faintly at Shelly and said, “don’t worry, I‘ll stay right here with you.”

Consoled slightly, Shelly awkwardly embraced the machine, chin resting on a plastic rim, with every cell in her left breast migrating to her belly. (PS That’s the real reason we middle-aged, menopausal women get that extra belly fat…one too many mammograms!)

What to bring to your next mammogram! (you’ll laugh, I promise!) [Click to Tweet]

So, my latest lesson learned at the nail salon is this bit of practical advice: bring a generator to your next mammogram just in case.

And, here is a verse to encourage you as you’re wearing that flimsy pink shirt with no buttons, waiting in the mammography area for your name to be called…“We are pressed on every side yet not crushed…” (2 Co 4: 8)  (Sorry, bad pun!)

Question: Let’s use the comments below to share your bits of wisdom. We’ll have our own salon below! 

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