In the past six months I have had more medical problems besides retinits pigmentosa, and the most important man in my life, my father, passed away. Then my childhood girlfriend (since three years old) was murdered by her husband, and two more deaths in the family. Now my cousin that I am close too has M.S. Fear has set inside me…and I haven’t felt so separated from the Lord. Where can I find Him???
Oh Janine, you can find Him in your pain. He never left. Sometimes the sorrow we feel is so big that it makes God feel small. But feelings are not always based on fact. God never left so to find Him simply means you seek Him. Seek Him in your pain. Seek Him in your confusion. Seek Him in your loneliness. He is there with you.
You have not cried one tear that He hasn’t caught and placed in His bottle. Just as He wept at the tomb of His friend Lazarus, He wept with you at your father’s funeral. Perhaps your tears have blurred your vision of Him and your fear has clouded your ability to see clearly that God is with you and will never leave you.
This is when faith becomes the most real. Faith is the evidence of what is not seen. Faith isn’t a feeling so don’t wait for tingles and emotions to well up and carry you to a recognition of God’s presence. His presence is with you based on who He is, not how we feel.
Fear is a feeling, that’s why it’s so powerful and makes you think it represents ultimate reality. But, feelings don’t always represent ultimate truth and they are not worthy of our ultimate trust. Trust God more than your feelings, my friend. Look for Him and you will see Him. He will be the one with the tear stained face and the nail scarred hands reaching out to reassure you that He never left.
With love, Jennifer
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