I sat on the front row in the church and listened to another speaker — my friend – and thought, Why can’t I get it together like she has it together? My best effort is like pond scum compared to her worst effort!
I had just presented a message before she did and I would present another message when she was finished. And, I didn’t want to stand on that stage and speak again; I wanted to shrink into the seat cushion because I felt totally incompetent and unnecessary at that moment. And then I felt shame for feeling that way at that moment!
But, here’s the thing. It wasn’t just at that moment I felt that way. That moment describes lots of moments for me!
You messed up today? Good! Me too! Too often those slips up and “wish-I-didn’t-do-that” moments can send us down a spiral of thinking that makes us wonder if we’re enough. Am I cute enough? Am I thin enough? Am I successful enough? It’s all in a quest to know if I’m… enough.
Those questions are way too familiar to me. How about you? I have too much pride to ask them out loud, but believe me… I ask them silently to myself all the time.
I think women struggle with perfectionism and feelings of never measuring up. What do our attempts to achieve perfection say about ourselves and our relationship with God? What do our attempts say about who we believe God to be?