Can I Choose Words That Speak Life and Give Grace? With Sarah Molitor [Episode 289]

Choose Words Speak Life Give Grace Sarah Molitor

GIVEAWAY ALERT: You can win the book Well Said by this week’s podcast guest. Keep reading to find out how!

Do you ever have moments when your words get the best of you?

Maybe it’s complaining or yelling when, deep down, you really want to be a person who speaks with kindness and grace. Maybe you know how much your words hurt, but you say them anyway because it feels good in the moment. Or maybe you stay silent, spout off, or spit out some ugly words without even thinking about it.

Whatever your “maybe” may be, you’re in the right place.

Today on the 4:13, author Sarah Molitor shares some tough lessons she learned about how words can hurt—but they can also heal.

As we talk about Sarah’s book, Well Said: Choosing Words that Speak Life, Give Grace, and Strengthen Your Faith and Family, you’ll discover your words really aren’t the problem. Words are a reflection of the heart, so that means we need to go deeper—straight to the heart of the problem.

And, I bet you already anticipated this … Sarah takes us to the Word to help us learn how to use our words!

She’ll show you God’s desire for the words you speak as well as give you practical tools to help you choose words that reflect the heart of Jesus.

Plus, I’ll finish this episode with a song asking God to help us use our words well, so be sure to listen to the very end.

Meet Sarah

Sarah Molitor is a wife, mom to seven kids, and an author. She has a passion for serving others and enjoys engaging with her growing social media community where she encourages, challenges, and inspires women daily. Sarah loves candy (but dislikes chocolate) and finds extra joy in photography and baking.

[Listen to the podcast using the player above, or read the transcript below. Then check out the links below for more helpful resources.]

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Episode Transcript

4:13 Podcast: Can I Choose Words That Speak Life and Give Grace? With Sarah Molitor [Episode 289]

Sarah Molitor: Words are important to God, and so, therefore, words should be important to us. They should be important in everything we say, and we should aim to reflect the image of God in everything we say and do. Now, granted, that doesn't mean you walk around like a Positive Polly faking it all the time, right? But it does take an element of practice and habit and all of that that eventually settles in our hearts, and we're more like Jesus each day the more we use our words to honor him and honor others.

Jennifer Rothschild: Have you ever had moments when your words got the best of you? Like, maybe it's complaining or yelling, when deep down you really just want to speak with kindness and patience. Or maybe you stay silent because you're never quite sure what to say, or maybe you spout off or shut down or spit out some ugly words when you're mad. Whatever your maybe may be, you are in the right place, because on today's episode, author Sarah Molitor shares some tough lessons that she learned about how words can hurt. But she also gives the good news that our words can also help and heal. So word has it that today we are going to the Word to learn how to use our words. There you go. You liked that, didn't you?

Plus, today I'm going to finish this episode with a song asking God to help us use our words well. So buckle up, butter cups, here we go.

K.C. Wright: Welcome to the 4:13 Podcast, where practical encouragement and biblical wisdom set you and I up to live the "I Can" life, because you really can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

Now, welcome your host, Jennifer Rothschild.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, hi, friends. Two friends, one topic, zero stress today. So I hope you're feeling okay and having a good week. We're glad you're back with us. I'm Jennifer, here to help you be and do more than you feel capable of as you're living, along with me and K.C., this "I Can" life of Philippians 4:13.

And I told you at the top of this that I'm going to sing at the very end. Well, the reason I'm singing this song is it's a Scripture that was a favorite of mine only because my grandmother used to quote it to me.

K.C. Wright: Ooh.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes. Okay. So let me tell you about my grandmother. Southern grandma. Her name -- we called Mama.

K.C. Wright: Mama.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. Her name was Thelma. And Thelma, my Mama, I would spend a lot of time in her house. Now, this is so funny. Okay? This would have been back in the '70s. And sweet Mama, you know, she'd read her Bible. Every year she read her Bible through. And she was devout and, like, she -- she was so devout, she, like, wouldn't even cook on Sunday. Like, she would cook on Saturday so that she didn't have to work on Sunday. Okay, this is my Mama.

K.C. Wright: Wow.

Jennifer Rothschild: But there was one thing she did. She never missed, every weekday at 1:00 PM, Days of Our Lives.

K.C. Wright: Uh-oh.

Jennifer Rothschild: She'd pull her chair up toward that TV when I was at her house, she'd watch that TV, and she'd just the whole time say to me, "Honey, Honey, don't watch those so poppers. Honey, when you grow up, you do not watch so poppers.

K.C. Wright: No. That's like every mortal sin within 30 minutes.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, it was hilarious.

Now, here's the funny thing, though. I was, you know, six, seven, eight years old. I didn't know what a so popper was.

K.C. Wright: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: Now, I never understood -- I thought she was saying so popper, like s-o-p-o-p-p-e-r.

K.C. Wright: Oh, okay.

Jennifer Rothschild: Because it was lost in her Southern accent that she was saying soap operas.

K.C. Wright: Operas.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay. But I was so terrified of so poppers. I had no idea what they were. But, boy, did I listen to that sermon every day during Days of Our Lives.

Now, I have to believe, though, K.C., it was probably a little cleaner in the '70s than it is now.

K.C. Wright: Yes, it was. Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: But -- okay. So she used to tell me that. That's so funny I remember that.

But here's the other thing. Because I was very verbal as a child. If I didn't like something, I was quick to talk about it. And if it involved a person, I did not hesitate to talk about that person. And she would tell me, "Jennifer, we love them, we just don't like their ways." Okay. So I learned that from Mama. I was like, "Well, I don't like either, but whatever." And then she would tell me this verse from Psalm 19, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, oh, Lord, my strength and my redeemer."

K.C. Wright: Oh, man, that's so good.

Jennifer Rothschild: Right? Good word.

K.C. Wright: So good.

Jennifer Rothschild: Good word. That's such a good standard.

So after you hear from Sarah and you are so inspired, don't tune out, because I will be singing for you Mama's favorite verse that she taught me, that became my favorite verse from Psalm 19. I'll sing us out, and it can become a prayer for all of us. So let's get the conversation with Sarah going.

K.C. Wright: And don't we need it, because we've all got a mouth.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, yes, we do. Some of us more than others.

K.C. Wright: Sarah Molitor is a wife, mom to seven kids, and author. She has a passion for serving others and enjoys engaging with her growing social media community, where she encourages, challenges, and loves to inspire women daily. Sarah loves candy, but dislikes chocolate.

Jennifer Rothschild: I don't understand this, but I love her anyway.

K.C. Wright: I've never heard of such a thing.

Jennifer Rothschild: See? What would Mama say? We love her, we just don't love her ways. Kidding, Sarah. Kidding.

K.C. Wright: However, she finds extra joy in photography and baking.

All right, our people, let's listen in.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right, Sarah, let's start with this. Because we all grew up hearing the rhyme, you know, sticks and stones, that words won't hurt us, which we know is a big fat lie. Okay? So let's start off with this. What do we need to know about how we use our words?

Sarah Molitor: I think the fascinating thing is that in the very beginning, the Word is what created, you know, the earth. The Word is what created our world, and God spoke Word. I think God could have chosen anything. Right? And the fact that he chose words to speak things into existence, to put things into motion, to give life is just impactful for me.

And when we look at how we live our lives, when we look at how we use our words, we need to go back to that, in my opinion. We need to go back to knowing that, hey, words are important to God, and so, therefore, words should be important to us. They should be important in everything we say, and we should aim to reflect the image of God in everything we say and do. Now, granted, that doesn't mean you walk around like a Positive Polly faking it all the time, right? But it does take an element of practice and habit and all of that that eventually settles in our hearts, and we're more like Jesus each day the more we use our words to honor him and honor others.

Jennifer Rothschild: I love it when our words reflect The Word, as in Christ.

Sarah Molitor: Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay. So like you said, though, it's not always easy, and this becomes a habit, you know, and sometimes it's a negative habit. I think sometimes we just got to get aware first. So I know for you personally, you probably -- no author writes about this unless she's struggled with it. Okay? So it is my assumption you struggled with words.

Sarah Molitor: Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: So I would love for you to clue us in on that and tell us what part of your story was the hardest to face, the most painful to face, and how you faced it.

Sarah Molitor: Early on in my marriage -- you know, I married a wonderful man. So thankful for that. And we really -- I was -- I mean, the Lord just did some really cool things. And we moved up to his hometown, and it was not my hometown, and that's kind of where it began. It was not mine. And what felt like his did not feel like mine. And I think I was just still in a mindset that, oh, I want to have my cake a little bit and eat it too, I want to marry the man God gave me, but I also would like to live by my family, I also would love to keep going to the church I love, I also -- also, also, also. And so one "also and" leads to another, and suddenly in my life, slowly but surely bitterness, resentment, discontentment started creeping into my heart. So when I say that words weren't, like, the initial thing, it's because the heart issue was the initial thing, and then words and how I spoke just became a symptom of what was going on inside my heart.

And to fast forward a little bit, in our marriage -- basically it's kind of like that drip, drip, drip they talk about in Proverbs of, like, a nagging wife. You know, what started as a slow thing, a kind of, I don't like this, I don't like this. I don't like you. I don't know how -- I don't like how you do this. It trickled into more consistency. It trickled into more damaging words until really it got to a point -- and hear me out when I say I don't ever think my marriage was in jeopardy in terms of, like -- no one would have said divorce. Like, that's not even an option. But it was so damaging that it was either going to continue to be so damaging that I damaged my husband, like, where I felt was beyond repair or I was going to make a switch and build up our marriage instead of tear it down.

And so the Lord gave me a really healthy kick in the pants through my parents. I had opened a door asking them basically to back me up in how I felt about everything.

Jennifer Rothschild: I love that.

Sarah Molitor: And thankfully -- thankfully the Holy Spirit used them to speak to me healthily, but also firmly, to say, What we're seeing is not the direction you want to keep going. I mean, you could go that way, but it's obviously not working for you, and we think, well, you know it's not working. And to that point, Jennifer, there really hadn't been a moment where I was like -- I mean, I didn't like how I was. Right? I don't think anyone in that moment likes how they are. I'm not like, oh, I'm so wonderful, I'm doing so awesome.

Jennifer Rothschild: You knew it. You knew something was wrong.

Sarah Molitor: Absolutely. But it just wasn't at a point where I was willing to change or I saw the need for change until this.

So I think the combo of my parents, the Holy Spirit, this big argument we had that -- really where everything came out from my end and it was just kind of word vomit. And then I saw the look on my husband's face, the damage. And I could almost see it. And it was so heartbreaking. It was heartbreaking enough for me to want to finally change.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay. So so many things about this are interesting. Because you're a young adult. And so do I understand this correctly? You're a young adult, you're married, and you're going to your parents basically saying, I want you to support me with why my husband is -- you know, whatever.

Sarah Molitor: Yes. Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: And they basically lovingly said to you, Sarah, you got some blind spots?

Sarah Molitor: Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: Now, why were you able to take -- why were you able to receive that instead of being so dug in to your perspective? Why were you able to receive your parents' advice, correction? Because that's humbling. So talk about that.

Sarah Molitor: Yeah, it is really humbling. I mean, and I don't even want to give myself a pat on the back. I just think a lot of it was what was built into me that they built into me. I remember distinctly as a child, as a teenager, and even as a young adult before I got married, my parents, one of the big things they preached was teachability. And they just would say, If we can leave you with one thing -- like, if you -- like, besides loving Jesus, if you can be teachable, like, it will go well with you. Like, it is not going to feel good. It's going to hurt. It may not even sound good, and you might get offended, but it's going to go well with you.

And I think they built that into me and it really sunk deep into my heart. And in those moments, I can guarantee you that it hurt when they said that, because I also -- you know, there's an aspect of people pleasing. I want my parents to approve --

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, sure. Right.

Sarah Molitor: -- right? -- to some degree. But it wasn't even just that. It was that it just sunk deep in my heart that my heart needed to be softened. And if I could lean into that softening, the Lord can work in that and he can do big things in that. And so it did hurt. I was slightly offended --

Jennifer Rothschild: Sure.

Sarah Molitor: -- but I was able somehow -- I mean, I think just power of the Holy Spirit. I was able somehow to get past that and lean into the softening part and say, okay, Jesus, you've got to do something in me, and I'm willing.

Jennifer Rothschild: I love that. And he can do anything when we have that spirit.

Sarah Molitor: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: You know, it reminds me -- because most of our listeners are probably married or have been. And it reminds me of something Stormie Omartian used to say how -- she had this favorite three-word prayer about her husband when things weren't going well. And it was, "Lord, change him." "Lord, change him." And she said one day the Lord reminded her of his -- the Lord's favorite three-word prayer, "Lord, change me."

Sarah Molitor: Yeah. So good.

Jennifer Rothschild: And that's what you're describing. And so, yes, may we all be aware -- Lord, make us aware of our words and have the teachable spirit.

So let's get a little bit practical here. Because, you know, when we're emotional, like when these emotions surge, that's when our words come out wrong. Like, when we're all -- we got it going on, we can usually control our words better.

Sarah Molitor: Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: So give us some very practical advice, for those of us who may struggle with emotional control or anger, whatever you want to call it, which shows up as very poorly chosen words.

Sarah Molitor: Right. Because I can relate. And I can tell you the cool thing is is although -- you know, I'm still in it in terms of learning and growing in it, and honestly, like, still figuring it out, just -- you know, like, going back and walking back and saying, no, that's not how I wanted that to go.

A lot of it for me was first -- I mean, I think the biggest thing is a heart of repentance, a heart of wanting forgiveness. Because you can say, I'll practice all the things, I'll do all the things. I mean, you can teach someone a habit. But if the heart isn't there, the habit's not going to sustain you through hard times. And so a heart to repent and then to also ask forgiveness, but also expand on that and verbalize forgiveness. Because for me, I can say, Tim, I'm so sorry. Will you forgive me? Or I can say, Tim, I understand that I said this, this, and this and how hurtful that was, and I can't even -- it's hard to even say it without realizing how hurtful it was. But I know I said it, I know it hurt you. Will you forgive me for saying those words?

Like, that type of asking forgiveness is going to be far more impactful, to me at least, to anyone at least, when you see their face, than just a quick, I'm sorry, forgive me.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. Right.

Sarah Molitor: You know, because what you're doing is you're acknowledging the yuckiness. And you're also -- you're bringing that sin to the light, and that's where God does his best work. If we keep it hidden and we just keep it in our hearts like, I'm sorry, but I'm not willing to say what it is for, like, there tends to still be stuff that festers in that, I believe. And so being able to verbalize that, that was a practical thing for me.

I also gave him a gift. I kind of picked out three of his favorite things. To me, what that did was that showed value. That said I value you, I value the things you like, and I know you and I see you, and I'm sorry. So it was kind of an aspect of me asking forgiveness, was giving a gift. And I feel like in Proverbs it talks about the gift makes way for the giver. You know, It opens the door to something in someone's heart.

And then other practical things were just recognizing that emotions and feelings are so healthy -- thank you, Lord, for giving us that -- but also, they are very faulty. And if we put all our weight -- if we tip the scales to our emotions and we don't tip the scales to what we know the Lord says, what we know to be true in His Word, then we're allowing those fleety emotions to guide what we do. And they will rush in, rush out, change up, do all the things, you know, instead of stay consistent like God's Word does in our life.

So once I realize that I have healthy emotions, but I have a lot of unhealthy emotions and I can't put stock in those, I was able to say, okay, like, I know what I want to say about you. But what does God say about you? And I know how I want to act and speak, but how does God say I should act and speak? And when I started -- that wasn't just an instant thing, but months and months and months of practicing shutting my mouth literally and saying, wow, I really want to say that.

And one thing that really helped me, Jennifer, was -- and this is just a me thing -- was kind of role-playing it in my head. Because when that moment hit with Tim where I could see on his face the damage of what I was saying, I almost could role play in my head like, oh, I really want to say this. Oh, yeah, that's good. And as soon as I did, I could almost see his face and the hurt. And that almost put a lump in my throat. Like, that was enough to choke me back and stop me and be like, no, that is not worth the damage that you can't take back.

Jennifer Rothschild: This is really good, Sarah, because you're really demonstrating, as you did when we first started our conversation, that words are powerful. They really are. And so what I'm also hearing is this underlying theme of intentionality. Okay? So those are very practical things you showed. But I would also like to know if you have any very practical tactics that worked for you in learning how to be more intentional or choosing more intentional words.

Sarah Molitor: Mm-hmm. I practiced what I would say --

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, okay.

Sarah Molitor: -- like, in the mirror. I would sit there and I'd say something nice, you know. Or, like, I would practice even like, I don't agree, but I hear you, and I think da, da, da, you know. And I would practice it almost with a smile on my face, like overboard, you know. And it sounds so corny and so cheesy, but here's the thing, is that -- what I've found as I've gone more into that and I've applied it to other aspects of my life is that it doesn't always feel good at first, and it doesn't always feel natural, but practice makes better. And the more we put something into practice, the more it becomes a habit, the more it becomes a habit, the more it sinks into our heart. And suddenly you're down the road years and I'm saying something to my husband, and it's not just forced anymore. It's a really -- like, it's a part of me because I put in the practice to get there the same way I would with a skill, the same way I would with anything. The same way I would with parenting, the same way I would talk into my children and speak into my children. The same way I would when someone says in the grocery store, oh, you have six boys. You have your hands full. That must be chaos. And I say, no, actually, our house is so fun. You wouldn't believe, like, the joy we get to experience.

And that started as a forced, like, response, you know, because I needed something to say back, but all of a sudden it's genuine. I'm like, no, like, we genuinely have fun. Like, I wish you could see our house. Like, it is a blast. You know, just not always trying to respond with a negative, but just coming at it almost offensively instead of defensively. So that practice for me was practicing offense. It was practicing doing something proactively, knowing that when the moment comes, I want to be able to respond rightly and not respond, you know, defensively and reactively.

Jennifer Rothschild: Which I am like an Olympic athlete when it comes to defensive reactions, so I get that.

Sarah Molitor: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: So what I love about this, Sarah, I remember even being a teenage girl, and, like, if I -- somebody had done me wrong or I had a -- I would rehearse in front of the mirror my big speech --

Sarah Molitor: Right, right.

Jennifer Rothschild: -- as to how I was right and I was going to nail them.

Sarah Molitor: Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: So we do that kind of rehearsing even in our minds, I think, a lot of us do, without even realizing it. We meditate on that toxicity.

So I love what you're saying is you're pausing and you are intentionally practicing the right behavior, even if maybe it doesn't feel right, and eventually your feelings, your heart, will catch up to it and you become what you have practiced.

So it's an interesting dichotomy, because you also mention that it's from the heart that the mouth speaks. But you're also saying but the mouth can speak and the heart can follow.

Sarah Molitor: Yes, I agree with that. And I love that you said that. And I think it's so funny, because even as I, like, listen to myself talk or listen to our conversation, you know, it sounds like, oh, she's doing so great, she had all these tools. I'm like, trust me, if you saw me in that moment, you would not be thinking those things.

So I think it's easy to say and it's easy to hear sometimes, but know and be encouraged that -- I mean, it was lots of practice. It was months, it was years. And it still is practice for me. And it doesn't -- and if we aren't practicing, maybe we should be like, Lord, should I be practicing something? Because that's the goal, right? That's the goal in the Gospel and the Christian walk. Like, we should be walking this out until we reach heaven's gates. Until we knock on those doors, we should be walking out something and the Lord should be doing something in our heart. And it can still be a sweet season and the Lord can still be doing something in your heart and having you practice something in that sweet season.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, and so what you're saying is basically this is still a thing for you. You're not cured.

Sarah Molitor: Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: This is something you're still practicing and learning. And so when it comes to the power of our words, of course, they hurt others when we use them poorly. But they can also hurt ourselves. So, Sarah, when you blow it and you know you've said something wrong -- so I just heard how you would respond if it were to your husband, what you would say to him. What do you say to yourself when you blow it with your words? How do you treat yourself with your own words?

Sarah Molitor: Yeah. You know, the first thing in my mind that I want to think is, you did it again, you know. There you are glaring your head with that sin that you did so long ago. And what I have to remind myself of is, again, going back to that feelings are faulty, but God's truth is not and what does God say? No. God is not a God of shame. Does he want us to stay in our sin cycle? No. But he's also not a God of shame. And so I'm not going to speak shame over myself. I'm not going to say, Did it again. There she is, old Sarah. I'm going to say, Darn it. I did not want to do that. That is not who I am anymore. God, that is not who I am anymore. Help me stick into who you call me to be.

And I even have, you know, all of, like -- I have a list written out on my phone of, like, go-to verses of who God says I am.

Jennifer Rothschild: I love that.

Sarah Molitor: Because I have to -- I have to remember. And I even had, like, Post-It notes, you know. I mean, even going back to as simple as Psalm 139 when you're like, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God made me in his image. He did not make me in the -- you know, sinful and to stay stuck in the cycle. He made me in his image; therefore, I know I can be made new. I can have that renewing and that transforming that Paul talks about. I can have all of that. And sometimes I just have to, again, have it, repeat it back to myself, read it, let it sink in. And even if I don't feel it at first or believe it, I know it's true. I know because I know because I know. And I know because I've seen the other side. I've seen Sarah then, I've seen Sarah now, and I know who I am and so I know what God can do. And if I can just speak that over myself and remind myself, even if it feels forced at first, again, it'll sink in.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah, the feelings will follow. I'm so glad you shared that, Sarah, because I think a lot of women, you know, because we are so verbal, sometimes our words go quicker than our brains and we are just speaking emotionally to others and to ourselves. And you're right, God does not speak shame over us when we do that. He speaks grace and forgiveness, and his power is there to help us. I really appreciate that, because it is a process.

And, you know, you're a word person, you've written a book. Usually our greatest strengths are our greatest weakness.

Sarah Molitor: Absolutely.

Jennifer Rothschild: And so why wouldn't the enemy exploit that and try to use it against us and everyone else? Yeah. But in the power of Jesus, no way, Jose. All right.

Sarah Molitor: Yeah. Love that.

Jennifer Rothschild: Let's get to our last question, Sarah. I'm glad you've written the book, because clearly we don't have enough time here to go through all the wisdom that's in the pages, so let's hit our last question here. So you've got a friend and she came to you over coffee and she just said, You know what? I am really struggling with my communication, and it is showing up in my workplace, in my marriage, with my kids, my friends. Something's up with my communication. How would you encourage her, and then what would be -- if you gave her one practical tool to say, okay, when we leave this conversation, I want you to start doing such and such. So give us those two things, your encouragement to that girl and your practical tool for her.

Sarah Molitor: I love this. My encouragement would be that you are not too far gone and you just got to start. You just got to start. Whether that's in your head, whether that's in your heart like we talked about, you just got to start.

And also, I love that as a friend, I think we need to be willing to speak in love and truth, and not just in love. Because a loving friend might say, You're going to be okay, but, like, you know, it just -- you know, yeah, he was kind of off there. You know, we don't want to -- if she's coming, that means her heart is already softened and she's already recognizing that there's an issue. So I want to be the friend that encourages and said, I love you, but also don't stay stuck in this. Don't let this get hold in your life and don't keep it hidden. Get it out, take care of it, and move forward.

And my practical advice for that would be one thing that really helped me was writing out a list of -- now, it doesn't have to be 50, but mine was 50 things I love about my husband. I wrote this list. Because let me tell you what, when I am not feeling it in the heat of an argument or in a disagreement, there are a lot of things I can think of that I'm like, I don't love this. You're very frustrating me right now. But I had this list and I could go back to that list. And I actually ended up giving that to my husband. He read through it. And you know how they talk about that ten good things takes over one bad thing said for every one bad thing?

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Sarah Molitor: That was the point of that. Because I had said so many damaging things, I needed him to read, I needed him to hear, I needed him to be able to see what I loved about him. And so I wrote a list.

So I guess encouragement to a friend, like, a very practical thing would be to go home, and I want you to sit down and I want you to start with ten things you love about your husband or your children or your friendship. Whatever relationship you're dealing with, ten things that you appreciate. And the interesting thing is by the end of those ten things, my guess is that your perspective will have shifted just a little bit and you'll feel a little bit more clarity of the situation, of the argument, of the conversation, to be able to step back and go, Hmm. Okay. Well, I know this to be true. So maybe in light of that, maybe this conversation, maybe this argument isn't all I'm hyping it up to be. Maybe I'm reacting to a singular thing instead of seeing the big picture that God sees.

And so I guess that's the thing for this whole conversation for me, Jennifer, like, just seeing the big picture that God sees. That is so hard. It is not easy. But if we can catch glimpses of it, if we can take pockets of it and we can remember that, and then know the damage we see and almost see that face, I guess my final question would just be, what's the alternative? And that's how I'm living right now. It feels a little bit -- I feel like I'm living in a what's the alternative question. When I get in a moment, I'm like, what's the alternative? Okay. I know the alternative was this and this and this, and it was not pretty. And so the opposite of that is where I want to go. I don't want to go back there.

K.C. Wright: We really can use our words to build up and spur on and encourage, can't we? Or we can do the total opposite. I loved her example of actually making a list of all the things she loved about her husband and how that affected him.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah, I thought that was really good too. Totally agree with that. I think she said that for one negative thing, we need to hear ten good things. So if you have a tough relationship, sit down, use your words well by writing down ten things that you love about that person or that relationship. And by the time you get to number ten, your perspective is going to totally shift from feelings to truth.

And one more thing, by the way. When she recommended that we consider the alternative, K.C., I was thinking about my brother Lawson. He's a therapist. And he one time told me, always consider your opposite impulse. Okay? Consider your opposite impulse. And that's a really good way to train yourself to speak life-giving words. So, like, if your impulse is to be ugly or mean or cut down or whatever, then the opposite is to be kind and patient and say the right things. Or like my mama would also say, if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all.

K.C. Wright: Keep your mouth shut.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's right.

K.C. Wright: Well, here's truth. I think we all need the book. I think we all need to not only own the book, but read the book.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes, I think you're right.

K.C. Wright: And probably, let's be honest, a support group as well. So you can actually win her book. We're giving one away right now. So go to Jennifer's Insta @jennrothchild to enter to win. And you can also go to the Show Notes at to read a full transcript and connect right there with Sarah. So good.

All right. As we finish up, my soul sister right here next to me is going to sing a prayer over us. So remember, you can let the words of your mouth, you can let the meditations of your heart be acceptable to God, because you can do all things through Christ who gives you supernatural strength. I can.

Jennifer Rothschild: I can.

K.C. Wright: And you can.

Jennifer Rothschild: You can.

(Singing) Let the words of my mouth be acceptable to you, oh, Lord. Let the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, oh, Lord. You are my strength and my redeemer, you are my strength, oh, Lord. Let the words of my mouth be acceptable to you, oh, Lord. Let the words of my mouth be acceptable to you, oh, Lord. Let the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, oh, Lord. You are my strength and my redeemer, you are my strength, oh, Lord. Let the words of my mouth, let them be acceptable to you, oh, Lord.

Oh, let the words of my mouth be acceptable to you, oh, Lord. Let the words of my mouth be acceptable to you, oh, Lord. And let the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, oh, Lord. You are my strength and my redeemer, you are my strength, oh, Lord. Let the words of my mouth, be acceptable to you, oh, Lord. Let them be acceptable to you, oh, Lord.


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