I am on the computer today just searching and reading, looking to find some words of encouragement. I desire so much to move beyond my all too frequent desire to give up on life. I am a wife and mother, and also a survivor of childhood abuse, date rape, and now I have added to my hurt a one-time adulterous act. I beat myself up, and Satan is all too glad to join in and clobber me over and over again.
I shared these details with a woman. I felt sick to my stomach that I had done that. I then heard God tell me that I have been carrying around this thing for over two years. He said, “I have forgiven you, now you need to forgive yourself.” I immediately felt release.
At church, I finally decided to be open and shared that my son was facing DUI charges, and I had been battling suicidal thoughts frequently. Many of the ladies offered me a comforting hug.
But today, I visited the woman I shared with, and I am feeling very discouraged. She told me my son is messed up because my husband and I never were on the same page. She said that neither she nor her husband would ever commit adultery, that I committed adultery because my husband and I do not have a good relationship, and that my other children would also suffer because of this. I felt as if she has slapped me and left the prints on my face. I feel so horrible that I wanted to die all over again. I was thinking that maybe because I opened up to ask for prayer, that maybe God would begin to help me. But I feel that I made such a huge mistake exposing my husband and myself that I am scared to set foot through the doors of the church.
I need to experience victory in my life, but I do not know how. I am so very tired of dealing with the pain. I am sorry that I am weak, and I am sorry to burden you, but I think I cannot bring any of this up to anyone I know.
Do you have any words of encouragement for me? I am a believer, and so is my husband. I know that I have the Spirit of God within me, and I looked into the Scriptures and found that the two people I know who committed suicide (King Saul and Judas) did not have the Spirit of God within them. That has been a big help in keeping me thinking straight. I do not want to hurt anymore.
A sister in Christ
I do not want you to hurt anymore, either. Sweet sister, I am so sorry for your pain and that your “friend” seems to have brought more discouragement than hope. Not everyone who claims the name of Christ represents his heart. Jesus’ heart toward you is as it was toward the woman who committed adultery. When the men surrounded her with rocks in their hands, he focused on her heart, not her sin. He reminded the men who were ready to condemn that no one is without sin. We all have blown it. And, there is no perfect woman, no perfect wife, and no perfect parent. He is our perfect Savior who loves us perfectly. The woman who you bared your heart to did not treat it as Jesus does. Instead of picking up grace and throwing it upon you, she picked up a rock of condemnation and shame.
Friend, Jesus covers you with grace, not condemnation. I know you believe him and have trusted him. Let his voice be the loudest one you hear in your pain. He loves and forgives you. He can rebuild marriages and fill in the gaps of our parenting mistakes with our kids.
In Christ, we are never without hope. Your pain may not go away, but it can feel less heavy as he carries it with and for you. What matters most is that you and your husband commit to love each other and not give up on each other or God. It may not be easy, but God will be strong in your weakness. Please give me your address and we will send you a Me, Myself and Lies Bible Study. If I send it, will you try to do it with God’s strength?
I am on your team. I believe in you, sister, so don’t give up.
The beans are officially spilled! Ask a Different Question Here
What would you say to my sister? Leave a comment here.