Can I Really Know if I’ve Found the One? With Nick & Chelsea Hurst [Episode 249]

Know Found One Nick Chelsea Hurst

How do you know he’s the one? How do you know she’s the girl you’re supposed to marry? How do you really know you’re right for each other?

These are the kinds of questions Nick and Chelsea Hurst have been asked since over 2 million people began to follow their love story, engagement, and marriage on YouTube. And today, they’re going to dive deeper into the guidance they received, the lessons they learned, and the questions they asked themselves and each other as they navigated the biggest decision of their lives.

As we talk about their book, Marriage Minded: 10 Ways to Know If You’ve Found the One, Nick and Chelsea vulnerably share what they wish they would have known before they were married.

They draw from their own personal experiences to explain why conflict shouldn’t be avoided, how you can begin to accept each other’s differences, and what to do if you’re struggling to find a future spouse.

So, whether you’re married, single, or single again, you’ll appreciate their very practical and refreshingly honest perspective.

And if there’s someone in your life who’s about to say “I do,” then sister, this is just what they need to hear. Share this episode with them and speak truth into their life.

Meet Nick & Chelsea

Nick is an evangelist at heart and has been a speaker for Clayton King Ministries as well as the head evangelist for The HowToLife Movement since 2020. He is married to Chelsea, and they have one son, Hudson. Chelsea is an online communicator and has a large following on YouTube and Instagram. She has published two books for young women, and now, she and Nick have written this new book, Marriage Minded, together.

[Listen to the podcast using the player above, or read the transcript below. Then check out the links below for more helpful resources.]

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Episode Transcript

4:13 Podcast: Can I Really Know if I’ve Found the One? With Nick & Chelsea Hurst [Episode 249]

Nick Hurst: But don't be so overzealous for a relationship or for a functioning relationship that you miss out on the relationship that God wants to bring in his time. I just think that I've seen so many friends, so many people I've worked with who just rush into a relationship, simply because they can't take being alone, that it ends up costing them in the long run, I believe. And so marriage is always a beautiful thing, but I think that the right marriage with the right person is something worth treasuring and something worth waiting for.

Jennifer Rothschild: How do you know that he is the one? Or how do you know that she is the girl you're supposed to marry? How do you really know that you are right for each other? These are the kinds of questions that Chelsea and Nick Hurst have heard since over 2 million people began to follow their love story, their engagement, and their marriage on their YouTube channel. Well, today, they are going to dive deeper into the guidance that they received, the lessons they learned, and the questions that they asked themselves and each other as they navigated the biggest decision of their lives.

This conversation, it is refreshingly honest, super practical, and full of hope, so, K.C., let's start the podcast.

K.C. Wright: Welcome to the 4:13 Podcast, where practical encouragement and biblical wisdom set you and I up to live the "I Can" life, because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

Now, welcome your host, Jennifer Rothschild.

Jennifer Rothschild: Welcome back, our 4:13ers. We're glad you're here. I'm Jennifer, here to help you be and do more than you feel capable of as you, along with me and K.C., are living this "I Can" life.

If K.C. is new to you, his last name is Wright, which is really difficult being with someone who's always Wright. But he is my seeing eye guy, and it is just two friends, one topic, and zero stress. And we are super glad that you are with us, because when we know that you are on the other end of this microphone --

K.C. Wright: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: -- our stress level goes down, our happiness goes up.

K.C. Wright: Thank you for listening.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

K.C. Wright: You know, I was thinking about the importance of today's podcast. This is going to be such an awesome tool to share with people who are preparing for marriage. I mean, seriously.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah, it really is.

K.C. Wright: This will be a resource for you to share with that young couple who's thinking about getting married, because there's lots to learn today about are they the one.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. And you don't know what you don't know.

K.C. Wright: Yeah. Now, one of my favorite parts about The 4:13 and Fresh Grounded Faith conferences are the Spill the Beans part.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes. Yeah.

K.C. Wright: So, Jenn, let me ask you. Do you have a back story, a little history? Could you spill the beans about anything that happened before Dr. Phil?

Jennifer Rothschild: Before I found the one?

K.C. Wright: Yeah, before you found the one in Dr. Phil.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, you know what? I found one that I thought was the one.

K.C. Wright: Okay, I want to hear about it.

Jennifer Rothschild: I really did.

K.C. Wright: Really?

Jennifer Rothschild: And I won't give you all the details, because he is a great man. I don't keep up with him, of course, anymore, but I would not want to dishonor him in any way. But we were very good friends. I had a major crush on him, I mean, major crush, and I loved everything about him and what he represented.

K.C. Wright: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, so looking back, I loved the idea of him. Okay? Which is a big red flag which you don't recognize at the time, because you just think that red means passion, not caution. But anyway, I loved the idea of him. He was a great guy. But it even got to the point where, like, I knew he was the one, I was going to marry him, things were leading toward that. I was only a junior in college. My family knew that was probably what was coming. And so to spare you all the gruesome details, I ended up going to his home to meet his family, and on that trip he gave me an engagement ring. And I was like, ah, yes, I knew it was coming. I was so excited. Well, there were a couple of things that happened within a day after the engagement.

K.C. Wright: Within a day?

Jennifer Rothschild: Within a day. Now, it wasn't anybody's poor behavior, it was just some major red flags that suddenly did look like caution. And it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, K.C.

K.C. Wright: Really?

Jennifer Rothschild: After a day, I gave him back the ring. I was crying, he was crying. His mother was very angry at me for making her son cry. It was a bad scene. This was before cell phones.

K.C. Wright: Wow.

Jennifer Rothschild: So I was at his home, which is about six hours away from my home, and he was going to drive me back to my house. It was such a long, miserable, silent drive. And I'm trying to be nice and I'm just thinking, I got to get home, I got to get home. And he was a man of honor and he's bringing me home. Okay, so my mom -- because I had no way to tell her. My family has no idea this has happened. I'm holding it together emotionally. We get home, it's my mother's birthday. We get home just in time for her birthday. We're opening gifts. My mother opens a gift from my dad.

K.C. Wright: Oh, no.

Jennifer Rothschild: It is a book. The title says, "How to Plan a Wedding." And I'm just sitting there with boyfriend and we're all so awkward. Party ends. You know, he's sleeping in the guest room. He wakes up the next morning, he leaves. And then I burst into tears and cried for two weeks, told my mom what happened. But anyway, yeah, that was my...

Now, here's the thing. He's happily married; obviously, so am I. But it's very important to ask good questions and to not assume that red flags are meaningless.

K.C. Wright: Come on.

Jennifer Rothschild: Because when we walk in the Spirit, it doesn't mean that that person is not a good person, it may just not be the best relationship for both of you for long term. And once you say "I do," it's done. You do it. You do the thing, unless there's difficult extenuating circumstances, which we don't even -- we're not talking about divorce, we're talking about marriage. Anyway, yeah, that's my -- that's my --

K.C. Wright: Okay. That's a lot more than I even --

Jennifer Rothschild: That you knew, yeah.

K.C. Wright: Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: I don't talk about it because, like I said, I don't ever want to dishonor that man.

K.C. Wright: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: But, yeah, it was not the best for either of us. And I'm sure he would agree now also.

K.C. Wright: Yeah. And then look at the beautiful story that God has wrote with you and Dr. Phil --

Jennifer Rothschild: Right?

K.C. Wright: -- and the children and the grandchildren --

Jennifer Rothschild: That's right.

K.C. Wright: -- and your love story will be known for future generations.

Jennifer Rothschild: Hallelujah.

K.C. Wright: I just praise God for the teacher who lives inside, the Holy Spirit --

Jennifer Rothschild: Amen.

K.C. Wright: -- the teacher that gives those red flags.

Jennifer Rothschild: He guides us.

K.C. Wright: He guides us, yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: And that's why this conversation we're about to have with Nick and Chelsea -- and by the way, it's not just for young people. I mean, you might be single, single again, getting married again later in life, I mean, it's very applicable truth. It's real practical, some of the questions they give us to ask each other and ourselves. So let's introduce this couple.

K.C. Wright: Nick is an evangelist at heart and has been a speaker for Clayton King Ministries, as well as the head evangelist for the HowToLive Movement since 2020. He is married to Chelsea and they have one son, Hudson.

Now let me introduce you to Chelsea. Chelsea is an online communicator and has a large following on YouTube and Instagram. She has published two books for young women, and now she and Nick have written this new book, that we're going to tell you about, "Marriage Minded," together, and that is what they're talking about with Jennifer. So listen in. This is going to be so good.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right, Nick and Chelsea, I'm so happy to have both of you on the podcast. And so first question that I need to know -- and I'm sure everyone else is curious about -- how did both of you meet each other?

Chelsea Hurst: Wow. We love answering this question, Jennifer.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, good.

Chelsea Hurst: I feel like it's such a -- we love going down memory lane. I mean, who doesn't when they've been together for some time? We actually met on Twitter, out of all places.

Jennifer Rothschild: Wow.

Chelsea Hurst: I know, right? And we did not expect to really become in a -- like, we didn't expect to enter into a relationship. We were just really interested in friendship at the time, even though I for sure was interested in Nick. I went to his profile and I started liking a bunch of his tweets. And now, several years later, I sound funny even recalling these memories because I just don't even have Twitter anymore and it sounds, like, so far away from now. But I definitely let him know that I was interested.

And then a few days later, he finally messaged me and said, "Hey, I love your channel. Keep doing it for Jesus." And so we initiated -- he initiated a conversation that I was hopefully expecting would come about. And we ended up meeting in person at Passion City Conference in Atlanta, Georgia, and at that event -- it's so wild, but every time we tell it, we're just in awe of God. Because when we were both worshiping at that event, we were raising our hands and just really into the moment, just in awe of, like, what God was even doing in that room, and we both heard God download into our hearts that you are standing next to your future spouse. And we both heard it at the same time and it was confirmation. Because, you know, a lot of times when you hear stories of somebody saying, yeah, I knew they were my husband or my wife when I first laid eyes on them, but the other person didn't really reciprocate those feeling and it's, like, a different journey.

But right at the beginning, God really just showed out for us as far as confirming, like, this is a relationship you should pursue. And so it's a very unique, beautiful story. I love talking about it. And there's a longer version, but I think that is probably in a nutshell kind of how it went.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, that's like the tweet version, 140 characters or less.

Nick Hurst: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's a great representation of your story. So you meet on Twitter, you start this conversation. You end up meeting in person in Atlanta. Where were each of you from? Were you from the same state to begin with? Then how easy was it to pursue relationship after meeting in Atlanta at Passion City?

Nick Hurst: No, it was really hard. So I was from North Florida. That's where I grew up, where I went to school, where I spent all my life. And then Chelsea was from the Midwest. Which I still am convinced it's the Mideast because it's not really past Kansas. But anyway, that's besides the point.

But Chelsea grew up in Illinois/Missouri, and I was in Florida. And so when we were hanging out at Passion, getting to know one another a bit more, and then shortly after I fly up to St. Louis and then we both start dating. But that was a pretty long year of dating long distance. So we would fly back and forth. Or if one of us would be in Nashville or if one of us would be in Atlanta for -- whether I was speaking or preaching, or whether Chelsea was doing something, like an appearance or anything like that, you know, we would make an effort to come and see one another. And it was just kind of that way for about a year or so, and it was really difficult.

But I do think that one of the benefits during that time was that we really learned how to communicate well because we couldn't always see one another in person. And so we really had to learn to ask good questions and to, I think, dig a little bit deeper than what was just on the surface of normal conversations that you have on a day-to-day basis. And I think that what ended up happening in hindsight is that in those conversations, a real deep bond and friendship was formed. And I think that's the long and short of it, honestly.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. Well, I think that's healthy. I mean, there's nothing wrong with having fun together and splashing around in the shallow end. But marriage is the deep end. So you got prepared quickly. And I think that's super healthy.

But even though you all grew up in different places, different backgrounds, I know you both grew up in the church. So I'm curious how growing up in the church and your faith, how did that influence your view of relationship and marriage?

Chelsea Hurst: Yeah, that's a great question. So I actually grew up in the church; but Nick did not, so I'll let him share a little bit of his story. But my, I guess, perspective in all of this -- it was such a huge help for me growing up, even online, because while I'm also dating Nick, I've been on -- like, doing YouTube and I'm sharing my life online for about five years at the time. And in a way, I think God used my job to hold me accountable, along with even my friends at my church and just the community that I had around me. I really felt seen and loved for, like, who I was rather than, like, what I did or just -- I felt very understood by even my church and my friends. And so I always kind of look back at those years of even growing up in the church and I just thank God for the friendships that he really started in my youth, and that helped me carry through, you know, some hard years with my family where my parents' marriage wasn't necessarily the strongest and they were going through their own stuff. But the church was always there, my friends were always there.

And so going into dating and experiencing our relationship in this way, and long distance and all of that, letting my friends into that, they kind of didn't really understand it at first because it was kind of foreign at the time to hear of somebody from the Midwest, in the middle of a small town, dating somebody from an entirely different state and an entirely different situation. Nick was from a farming family, and so it was just very unusual to hear somebody like me dating somebody like this. But they were very supportive. And I would credit a lot of, like, my perspective in bringing to how I was able to even view dating and pursue a relationship because of what the church really played into relationships and relational health.

But Nick has a very different story, so I'll let him share.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. Tell me, Nick.

Nick Hurst: Yeah, mine definitely is a lot different than Chelsea's. So I grew up, like she said, in a farming family. And I would call us that we were a Christian family, but we were just not really a church attending family unless it was Easter or Christmas or, you know, a really special occasion. And so that had its perks. I would say on Sunday I was having a lot of fun while a lot of other friends were in church, you know, dressed up in tight suits and all that. And that's just kind of how I viewed it. Like, we were out on the boat and we were fishing and so it was a lot of fun. But I think in a lot of ways I missed out on -- I think a lot of formation, honestly, missing out on formation of a worldview of God, of how God loved me, of how he viewed me, of what he did for me on my behalf. And so I grew up with this loose understanding that this is sort of what Christianity is, this is sort of what church is, but no true depthful understanding of it.

And honestly, my introduction to Jesus, to church, to Christianity didn't come because one day I went to a Christmas service and it just all made sense. Honestly, mine came as a result of just a mess that I had made, and a lot of trouble that I had kind of wandered into in my youth. And so honestly, I really just got confused and I really got -- I really got deep really quick with myself in late middle school, early high school about wondering, like, why does my life exist? What am I put here on earth for? Is there any greater meaning to all of this than what I currently see or experience? And honestly, I just couldn't find those answers, and so it went to a liquor bottle, to a party, to the next girl. And it honestly just left a lot of scars and a lot of a mess.

And I remember one day I went to my grandmother's house to visit with her and sit down and just have a conversation, and she could just tell that I was not myself, that I was going through something pretty tough, and so she drove me -- she put me in the car and drove me to the church. She actually tricked me that I was going to go to the grocery store with her and help her lift the heavy things off the top shelves that she couldn't get, and next thing I know, she's booting me out at the Baptist Church down the street.

And I wasn't too uncomfortable and I also wasn't too offput because that was just kind of her personality, that's just something that she would do. And I wasn't offput also because I had quite a few friends that went to this church, and so I figured I can sit through -- you know, I've been to half a dozen church services before through the holidays, I can sit through this message and just hang out with friends and chat. And I remember I went and I really actually enjoyed it. I didn't understand the message, I didn't understand the Bible text. I think the sermon was over before I actually got to the book that we were supposed to be reading out of. And so I went for a few weeks. I heard a message on Matthew 7 a few months in about a life built on rock or sand. And I just remember really facing the question that -- or excuse me -- facing the answer, facing the conclusion that my life was not built on solid rock, my life was definitely built on sand.

And fast forward two months after that, I am on my way to North Carolina, going to a summer camp, and it's there for the first time that I really understand the Gospel, I understand who Jesus is, and I understand what he did for me and the life that I can truly have in him should I trust him for my eternity, for my salvation, for my life here now. And so I gave my life to Christ and nothing has ever been the same since. I think my relationships are different as a result of it. I think that my daily existence is different as a result of it. And, honestly, the reason that I'm alive and the call on my life today is different because I know Jesus now.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah, it changes.

Nick Hurst: So that is a long way of saying that Jesus really changed everything for me in a really, really remarkable way.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, you can't talk too long about the goodness of God and what he's done.

Chelsea Hurst: Right.

Nick Hurst: Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: And I love that. And how kind of him that his hand was on both of your lives before you knew each other, preparing you to love each other well. And I think that's a beautiful thing about the sovereignty of God. But here's a question for you. Now that you are a married couple, I am curious, what do you wish you had known before you walked down the aisle?

Nick Hurst: Ooh, man, good question. I don't think enough people ask that question, to be completely transparent with you. I think, honestly, the first thing that comes to mind for me when you ask that is that confrontation is not something that should be avoided, confrontation is not something that should be ran from. Honestly, we've found -- and it took us quite a while to figure this out. We did not figure this out in dating or engagement or I would say even in our first two years of marriage. But confrontation truly is an opportunity, because it means that there is some point of disagreement or there's some point of friction in our relationship and in our minds that we are not yet unified on. And so if we can lean into the confrontation in a graceful and merciful and very kind way towards one another and work through that to find resolution and to find agreement, then that is one more place that in our marriage we can be unified.

Now, the difficult part in that is the actual approaching that conversation or approaching that topic with grace and with mercy and kindness, because there's some things like what do we want for dinner tonight, do we want steak or chicken, that's not a real big deal to sort of give up. It's like, okay, you want steak, I want chicken, I guess I'm fine with steak. You know, that's not that big of a deal.

But it's the bigger stuff like should we go to our in-laws for vacation? I think we should, you think we shouldn't. I think we should have our first Christmas at home. Or I think that we should buy this car or I think we should buy that car. So there's bigger things that arise down the road into marriage that you really have to be tender and you have to be kind to work through. And sometimes -- I think this is also a place that we have just had to learn a thing or two, is that sometimes some conflicts can be put to bed. So a lot of people will use the Scripture that you should never let the sun set on your anger. And I think that for too long we've allowed that word there "anger" to be equated with conflict. Conflict does not always have to mean anger.

Jennifer Rothschild: No. Right.

Nick Hurst: And so there is a right way of saying, hey, I love you. Obviously we don't agree here tonight. The worst thing for us to do is to try and find resolution on very tired eyes and tired minds, because nobody is going to end up here happy. So how about we do this, how about we agree to pick up this conversation tomorrow after we are rested and after we've had a little bit of time to think a bit more. And honestly, that is just one of the places that I wish -- man, I wish that somebody had pulled me aside before we had walked down the aisle and said, hey, this is kind of how you should view conflict, because it really is one of the best places and the most opportunistic places to find unification in your marriage rather than just always bickering and leading to the next fight.

Chelsea Hurst: Resentment is huge, too. Just protecting yourself from even getting to that place.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Chelsea Hurst: I think the next one that I would say -- there's so many things we can mention. But I felt like engagement in a lot of ways was really hard for us because we were getting every single little thing out before we were getting married. And it was a necessary process, but it doesn't mean it wasn't hard. And I think that, like, just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not worth it, because you're setting yourself up for a really great foundation and a great marriage whenever you're letting one another in on all the things that you've either hidden or didn't even realize were there. Maybe one of you have had an addiction and you didn't realize, you know, that it may be damaging if you don't confess it and work through it, you know, before you enter into marriage. Like, I know that's probably, you know, more of a pretty extreme example, but there's so many different things that I think either side of the relationship could definitely benefit from just laying out on the table and saying, hey, like, this is something that I've struggled through, whether it's identity issues or just control. I mean, a lot of that we don't even realize we struggle with until we even get into marriage, and then God is, like, unveiling more and more layers of healing that can happen. But at least the admitting of the start of the process, like, hey, this has been something that I've recognized in my childhood, this was a coping mechanism that I had, and I'm trying to work through it, and God's healing me in this way, but I just want to let you know, hey, this is a part of me right now, and I want you to know it so that we can work on healing together or we can help each other through this. I think transparency is so huge, especially in a vulnerable process like pre-engagement or seriously dating and you're really wanting to pursue that person into marriage. So that's one thing I would say.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, and I think both of your answers reflect a foundation of humility and honesty. And I think anyone, before they walk down the aisle, there needs to be a foundation of humility and honesty in that relationship.

And I also believe, based on what I have seen of your book, that your book is a real good resource for this. So let's go to your book. Okay? Because you have divided your book into ten questions. And they are important and really good questions, so I want us to go through them. Now, obviously we don't have time to discuss each one. That's why we want the 4:13ers to buy the book. But at least I want us to pop through most of them and know what they are and -- because we need to know what questions, if you're thinking of getting married, you should ask yourself and what questions you should ask your partner before saying "I do." So give us some of those ten questions.

Chelsea Hurst: Yeah, for sure. So obviously the questions are very -- they're very deep, so you won't be able to answer them just with the snap of a finger. It'll be more of a process of a conversation that may happen even over the course of a few months. But a couple of them that come to mind is do you know their family? So a lot of that can go into, you know, how were they raised? What's important to their family? What's not important? How do they communicate? What did conflict look like? Breaking down those things.

And then what about emotional health? So what does it look like for both of you in your responses to one another in daily life? Do you truly feel like you're being understood and heard in conversation or do you feel like there's a little bit of some disconnect there, and is there willingness to grow? Does pride get in the way? So I think we can obviously answer that question right off the bat. But there's a lot to it. Nick wrote that chapter.

So we actually go back and forth in this book of my writing and then Nick's writing, so it's a very interesting take on these topics. Because what you would think a guy would write on is pretty typical in this book of, like, Nick took the hard topics of, like, you know, the -- what would you say? Like, the topical --

Nick Hurst: I'd say the really practical --

Chelsea Hurst: Yeah, practical.

Nick Hurst: -- every day you have to deal with this stuff: money, bride, your walk with God.

Chelsea Hurst: Yeah. And then I took the heartfelt let's get to the root of why we're even talking about this.

Nick Hurst: Yeah, the real introspective stuff.

Chelsea Hurst: Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's good. And it takes both.

Chelsea Hurst: Exactly. So that's why I'm so grateful we got to write this together. It was such a fun process, Jennifer, to just, like, sit down across from one another and even just collaborate on a project like this. Because we were just wondering, even before we got married, like, did we feel equipped with just, like, one resource before we got married, with all of these questions, and our answer was no. We felt like there was a lot of older, wiser advice for a premarital counseling sort of book and feel, which is so necessary. But we wanted our readers to feel like we were holding their hand through these questions and that we had walked, you know, through them ourselves and kind of struggled along the way.

And we also know what it's like to live in more of a digital era of, you know, long distance, or why -- you know, everyone seems to be distracted around us. How to even have true connection with the person that you love. All of those things kind of come into play with our perspective being kind of younger, and that not being lost on the fact that we are younger and we're writing about a pre-marriage stage, we thought it was just all the more necessary that we dive into it too.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, it's fresh too. It's fresher for you all. And wisdom is wisdom, no matter what generation, yet there is a way to communicate wisdom within generations. And so you can be a voice for this generation that grew up in the digital age, and I think that's so helpful because there are different issues that arise.

But I think it's also interesting, listening to you all, I know that as you married and as you have grown in your marriage, you have learned things about each other, even with all the brilliant questions, that you probably were like, huh, I didn't know that about you. I mean, we learn in many ways that our differences that were interesting before we married, sometimes -- sometimes -- can become annoying once we are married. Like, I married my opposite; my husband, he married his opposite also. Okay. So I'm curious if you have learned that about each other, your differences, what are some very practical ways that you have learned to understand and accept each other's differences?

Nick Hurst: Oh, my, another just great question. Yeah, so Chelsea and I, very different. I think that we have many similarities, but I know that we have --

Chelsea Hurst: Yes, all of that.

Nick Hurst: -- many, many more differences.

So for me, I'm just not afraid to speak up first thing in a room. If I don't agree with someone, I will happily say that I don't agree with them, I'll explain why I don't agree with them; whereas, Chelsea is a little bit more focused on keeping the peace and things like that. So when it has come to -- that's just one example.

But when it's come to understanding one another, I think that what we've had to do is to take time to intentionally explain to the other person how we see things. So, you know, if Chelsea, for example, thinks something, or she might disagree with someone, I'll encourage her, I'll just say, hey, maybe speak up, explain why you don't agree with them, explain your thoughts on the matter, and then let that be that. But for her, you know, that might not be the most comfortable thing, so she'll explain to me maybe why she doesn't want to do that or why she does want to do that. And then I'll explain my perspective as to why I think it's a good idea and, you know, we'll find resolution one way or the other in that.

And so really explaining to the other person in black and white simple terms just our worldview, how we see it, the dynamics of friendships and relationships, I think that's a lot of what it's been. A lot of those points of difference and disagreement have just been smoothed over and worked through by simple, kind conversation where we're not angry and we're not berating the other person saying they're wrong or that that's a dumb way to look at things. Just because someone doesn't see things the way that you see things doesn't mean that their way is wrong; it just means that it's different. And so just understanding those differences has been crucial.

Chelsea Hurst: Yeah. There's probably a never-ending list that I could give of, like, what I didn't even realize Nick was gifted with, but that could come off as, like you said, Jennifer, like an annoyance in a way, because it's so repetitive maybe in marriage because you're, like, doing life so much together.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Chelsea Hurst: One thing I would say that Nick is gifted with is just retaining information. He loves to learn and always wants to be listening to something or reading something, just absorbing information like a sponge; whereas I am more -- I would rather have more silence than noise. And so we've had to even work through, you know, just because we have preferences as far as our capacity to even intake information, how to respect each other's boundaries and okay, like, this is the time where you and I are just presently with each other and these are the times where we're focusing on what really fills us up, whether that's reading a book for me, or for him it's listening to an audiobook or watching a series on World War II, you know, like, whatever it looks like for him. It's more of just that mutual conversation like you mentioned. So I just wanted to kind of reiterate that it looks the same, but just in different ways.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, and again -- I mean, I want to reiterate what I'm hearing. Again, is this foundation of humility, the foundation of honesty, and there is no substitute for clear communication. There just isn't. There's no substitute in a healthy relationship for clear communication. And I think that's why also your book will be so very helpful, because it will challenge the readers, who are in a relationship where they want to grow, to be able to communicate clearly. So I appreciate that you've done that.

We're going to get to our last question. And I want you to direct this to those out there who are listening who are single, or maybe it's a mom or an aunt or somebody who loves somebody who's single, and they know, oh, I just know that so and so needs this conversation in this book. Okay. So let's talk to that so and so and that so and so's mama. Okay? I want you to give your best advice for someone who is -- oh, they're struggling in a relationship. They're dating somebody and they're just not sure. But they're struggling in that relationship or they're just trying to find their future spouse. What is your best advice for them?

Nick Hurst: Yeah, I think my advice, honestly, would be to slow down and to collect your thoughts, examine your heart, and show patience. Definitely show effort. There is no lack for effort. But don't be so overzealous for a relationship or for a functioning relationship that you miss out on the relationship that God wants to bring in his time. I just think that I've seen so many friends, so many so many people I've worked with who just rush into a relationship, simply because they can't take being alone, that it ends up costing them in the long run, I believe. And so marriage is always a beautiful thing, but I think that the right marriage with the right person is something worth treasuring and something worth waiting for. And I think that that would honestly -- that would be my advice, is to just slow down, show patience.

I think the one other thing that I wish that I had done more of is to prepare my own heart to be the right person for someone else to marry. So that's another reason why we wrote this book, is to truly do the inner work in the inner man, as a few mentors of mine call it, is to really work on that inner man or that inner woman and prepare them with the right questions and challenge them with the right things so that they can walk into a relationship with confidence and with a surety that God is working all things out for their good and that they have been with him, they have met with him, they have spent time with him, and they have prayed for this person, and now when the opportunity presents itself, they're ready. They don't have to worry about all these what-ifs and how to communicate and how to deal with preferences and pride and how to handle money and just all these things that pop up. That's really what we wish we had and why we wrote the book.

K.C. Wright: This was such an encouraging conversation. They really have such practical wisdom to share here. So if you are single and ready to mingle and dating someone special, you need this book. Or maybe you're the mom of a so and so, as Jennifer said. Get this book for them. These are some really good questions to ask and answer. So go to the Show Notes right now,, to get connected. That's 413 to get connected right there with their book. And you can also read a full transcript of this entire conversation. Plus, we'll connect you to Nick and Chelsea's online platform so you can follow them there.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. You know, I was thinking, good things actually do happen on Twitter after all.

So, our dear friends, remember that wherever you are in your relationships, you can ask these good questions. You can show humility, you can be honest, and you can be willing to confront with grace. Why? Because you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. I can.

K.C. Wright: I can.

Jennifer Rothschild: And you can.

K.C. Wright: You can. (Singing) You're the one that I want.

Jennifer Rothschild: (Singing) Ooh-ooh-ooh.

K.C. Wright: (Singing) You're the one that I want. That's from Grease, isn't it?

Jennifer Rothschild: That is from Grease, yeah.

K.C. Wright: I was in Grease.

Jennifer Rothschild: You were?

K.C. Wright: I played Doody.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, that's hilarious.

K.C. Wright: And I won best supporting actor.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, I am so impressed. I had no idea.

K.C. Wright: I have pictures.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh.

K.C. Wright: I mean -- yeah, I had my hair slicked.

Jennifer Rothschild: Ooh.

K.C. Wright: Yeah, I had a leather -- my Grease jacket. I sang and played the guitar. Oh, yeah, it was one of my favorite -- hey, that movie, that play Grease that I was in, launched my radio career.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, that's cool.

K.C. Wright: True story, yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, that's very cool, K.C.

K.C. Wright: How crazy is it, just one little jingle brings back all those memories.

Jennifer Rothschild: I know. (Singing) You're the one that I want, ooh-ooh-ooh.

Well, I'd be Rizzo, not Sandy.

K.C. Wright: For sure.


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